Back to Work

I want to get back to work on the farm project tomorrow. We still don't know what we are developing up there, but hubs and I are feeling fairly confident in letting the work continue its current survey course. Hubs is looking quite reluctant to let me go. It is refreshing that he is voicing his reluctance to let me go in terms of his personal needs rather than my incompetance, but the emotional needs of a chronically busy man do not fill many hours in my life here on his "Someday Shelf." I am feeling shades of the all-too-familiar empty nest hysteria over the idea of resuming the silent, empty vigil. I still feel like my nest is empty, despite the resident Adult Children. Mothering Adult Children is not very gratifying, engaging or even healthy for anybody.

I am glad I hung out for long enough to celebrate hubby's birthday, humble as the celebration was, and cooking up and packaging his frozen home-cooked meals was quite fun. I love cooking when there are no grown-up food critics chewing my ear off, but. . . There is no denying that my cooking passion requires a larger audience than one aging ex-athlete and a flow of adult ice-box raiding food critics. I still feel like I am only hanging out, mostly in isolation. I feel far from productive here.

Hubs was stricken and unconfident when I told him I wanted to get back to the farm project on Monday. The domestic factors I manage here are not enough to fill my day, but they are, indeed, a hefty imposition on a Work-a-holic schedule. Personally, I vote for letting the Adult Children work out their own problems. The easy availability of parental rescue rangers for Middle-aged Children is not a service I am confident I SHOULD be providing. I am not at all sure how the minutes out of each day we spend together are so important to him, but for sure I can't handle the endless hours in stasis between those minutes. There is zero balance in that equation. The other adults in the Urban Homestead gave me the usual inscrutible blank stares when I informed them. If I need to know what is going on in an Adult Child mid, they will let me know in their own, good time. Of course the 3 year old wants to come with me. His parental units said, "No." No argument from me. I believe I could manage him just fine, but I have no doubt homesickness would set in quickly.

Still sorting. . .