Back to the story of Sarah at the hospital

After Sarah had her body cooled to 91 degrees for 24 hours it was time to start warming her up to see what, if any, damage had been done due to the lack of oxygen to the brain. They were also removing all of the drugs to try to get a true picture of her state.
As she warmed up and came off of the meds, she seemed more reactive. I was holding her hand and it felt like she was returning my grip. When asked by the nurse to squeeze, she would not squeeze in return. But my husband said that she seemed to be reacting to my voice. When I would take my hand away to let someone else be with her she seemed to tighten her hold on my hand. I would tell her that Ryan or dad was going to hold her hand and sit with her for awhile.
She had been given an EEG to track brain activity. They also took her down to receive an MRI.  At this time they had to remove her last few piercings. They asked me if she had any other metal in her. Knowing Sarah's taste in music, I wanted to respond "the girl's got metal in her soul". But as a dutiful mother, I just replied no.
It was Easter morning; this nightmare had begun on Good Friday. I remember that it was a beautiful spring day in Minneapolis and as we were walking to Sarah's ICU cubicle, I said that it would be a great day for her to wake up.
We found out that conditions worsened during the night. One of her lungs had collapsed, her pupils were now fixed, dilated and unresponsive to light. She was non-responsive to stimuli. Her brain was beginning to swell as well. While sitting with her, she began to have seizures again. This is something that no parent should ever have to witness. There was one that just went on and on and on, as though Sarah was stuck in this seizure mode and couldn't escape it. Ryan, my husband and I had a conference with her medical team in the afternoon. Sarah's prognosis at this time was reported as dismal. If she were to survive, she would need to be in a nursing home with full-time around the clock treatment. We collapsed in shock and disbelief.
 
 

Replies

CorriesMom
CorriesMom

I hope sharing more and more of Sarah\'s story is bringing you some sense of peace. Sometimes you will have to share it over and over and over ~ but I think it does help to exorcise the demon of our sadness.

Sending love, tight hugs and tender thoughts of peace to you ~ Debbie
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Sarah. I hope sharing this painful time can bring you some peace. Sending you a warm gentle hug Wendy
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

Our stories are so similar yet of course unique. Many of the same things you describe I heard and witnessed too. I find myself needing to tell the narrative as our healing is contained within the folds of our stories. Wishing they would open their eyes, look at us and utter any sound... nothing and then the heartbreaking decision to do what no parent should ever have to. Disconnect from life support... My heart aches with you and I\'m so very. Take gentle care today and as Debbie mentioned I hope in the telling that some healing is happening. I think we must go over this again and again and again. Love, hugs and so much heartfelt understanding. Joanie
NoraMc
NoraMc

I am so sorry you had such a terrible ordeal with Sarah, but write what ever you need to, it helps. Peace to you, hubby and Ryan,,,Nora
biowoman
biowoman

You are very brave to tell us Sarah\'s story...I know it is very hard to re-live it all. It is heartbreaking and a tragedy. I guess we all have tragic stories...just different...love to you Karen
annsullivan
annsullivan

Thanks for sharing more of Sarah\'s story....Near the end Billy he was having seizures also - the doctor asked if we wanted to take Billy off the bi-pap machine - it breathed with him not for him & we said no - Billy was terrified of sufficating to death - the next day Billy woke up in the afternoon - talking & acting like nothing had happened - his last coherrant day. You are so very right watching your child have continuous seizures is a horrible nightmare. Hope you are doing ok today. Hugs, Ann