Back to the Lions\' Den

I went to two casinos last night...and didn't gamble!  I had won a jackpot at one of them  last year, and needed the W-2 for my taxes....the other one I went to, I got a win/loss statement that showed me losing far more than the jackpot I won at the other casino, so at least I don't have to pay taxes on the jackpot!  Who would have thought I would be so happy to see in writing that I lost a ton of money.  LOL    The thing was, I usually didn't play on the player card....I often left them in machines, so didn't bother.  The amount that my statement said I lost was actually a small percentage of what I really lost.  When the casino employee handed me the statement, she said..."hey, this isn't all that bad...."  I told her that was just the tip of the iceberg, and I wouldn't be coming back.  She nodded and gave me look of....respect, I think....and quietly said "Good for you....good luck...." It was weird going in and walking past my "favorite" machines.....it felt so familiar....I walked by one woman playing one of my faves who had over $400 in winnings....and for a minute I was tempted.....adrenaline hit me and my heart started beating faster....and then I remember how many times I had that much or more in credits on a machine.....but still managed to lose thousands of dollars in the course of the years I gambled. I firmly believe that woman has put a lot more than $400 into those machines....probably thousands.  She didn't look particularly happy,  wasn't smiling....had that zombie look to her....and when I walked by again on my way out 5 minutes later, she was down to $300......easy come.....much easier go......I remembered how many times I had been "up" and in my unending quest to have "more" or actually, just to keep playing.....lost all my winnings and then all I could get from the ATM later. I looked at the number of credits people had on their machines as I walked by.....Maybe 1 in 10 had more than $20 there.....the rest were people trying to hold on to what was probably their last few dollars before they went home busted...in the hole....and feeling like crap. At the Player's Club, there was a woman who was screaming at the people working the desk about an expired ticket for $19.  She stood there and argued and stomped her foot and refused to leave until they gave her that $19!!!!!   I couldn't help thinking she was a gambling addict who had just spent her last dime, had dug an old ticket out of the bottom of her purse, and was desperate desperate desperate to keep playing!!!!  (Been there, done that)  I saw the look of pity/disdain on the casino employee's faces as they tried to talk to her, almost rolling their eyes... I had to go to the casinos, as they required I show up and present an ID.  I dreaded going, put it off, was afraid I might gamble......but I did OK.  I stayed no longer than 5 or 10 mins in each place, got in, got out.  I'm glad I don't have to go back there anymore!  I feel a sense of relief I made it out....and am here writing about it, instead of sorting through the horrible way I would have felt if I had gambled..... Thanks to everyone here for the support that continues to help me through every single day....Much Love to All.....Dianne