Back to square one today

Ive been doing really well since Tuesday, but today I woke up and all the sadness, fear, and depression came flooding back. The flashbacks started again, when I close my eyes I can see my son looking at me the moments when I would tuck him in at night. That "I don't want to be here feeling" has come back and my broken heart is letting me feel the pain that I've set aside for the past few days while I was busy entertaining my visiting relatives. I hate my life without my son, my little boy Jon is all that ties me to this life. I'm clinging to my faith to keep me from acting on my impulses, but I feel like I'm slipping and not even god and catch me :(