Back to square one
This week had it's ups and downs, but by the end of it I feel worse off.
I had to start driving again for the first time since October. On Monday I felt nervous all day until I had to drive. Then it would take me a while to calm down after, but I did it. Same thing Tuesday. Wednesday I had a flat tire so I got someone else to drive my stepdaughter to her drivers ed class. Thursday I drove her but I was so anxious that I felt like I would barely be able to get back home. Friday I was a nervous wreck and got my mother-in-law to drive her. I was hoping to make progress and fell less anxious every day, but the anxiety just got worse even though nothing bad happened while driving. I just can't stand experiencing the feelings of anxiety anymore. My heart will race all day. I sweat through my clothes. I can barely eat and I'm not sleeping well. I'll get dizzy, short of breath and experience head zaps. By the end of the week I was just wiped out and depressed.
My five-year-old has been going through a difficult stage where she has been getting mad and throwing fits every day. She has been trying to push the boundaries of authority lately and it is driving both myself and my husband a little nuts. Every fun activity ends with her in tears and fighting us. Friday I was having such a bad day with my own depression and anxiety, that I managed to get her in the tub after one of her episodes and I just cried in another room.
Instead of making progress like I hoped, I just feel defeated and like I cannot do this with the driving. I have not wanted to leave the house this weekend. My husband took the girls to a movie. I have been using this time to try and find a therapist.
I hate feeling this way. I have to get better. Life is passing me by and my girls deserve a better mother, and my husband deserves a better wife.
I had to start driving again for the first time since October. On Monday I felt nervous all day until I had to drive. Then it would take me a while to calm down after, but I did it. Same thing Tuesday. Wednesday I had a flat tire so I got someone else to drive my stepdaughter to her drivers ed class. Thursday I drove her but I was so anxious that I felt like I would barely be able to get back home. Friday I was a nervous wreck and got my mother-in-law to drive her. I was hoping to make progress and fell less anxious every day, but the anxiety just got worse even though nothing bad happened while driving. I just can't stand experiencing the feelings of anxiety anymore. My heart will race all day. I sweat through my clothes. I can barely eat and I'm not sleeping well. I'll get dizzy, short of breath and experience head zaps. By the end of the week I was just wiped out and depressed.
My five-year-old has been going through a difficult stage where she has been getting mad and throwing fits every day. She has been trying to push the boundaries of authority lately and it is driving both myself and my husband a little nuts. Every fun activity ends with her in tears and fighting us. Friday I was having such a bad day with my own depression and anxiety, that I managed to get her in the tub after one of her episodes and I just cried in another room.
Instead of making progress like I hoped, I just feel defeated and like I cannot do this with the driving. I have not wanted to leave the house this weekend. My husband took the girls to a movie. I have been using this time to try and find a therapist.
I hate feeling this way. I have to get better. Life is passing me by and my girls deserve a better mother, and my husband deserves a better wife.
Replies
I\'ve been through everything you have described. I understand 100% about the driving. And the racing heart. But if you can find the right med, things should improve, although it takes awhile for your body to adjust to the meds. I hope you were able to find a therapist. We have to change our thought patterns. The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, PHD. has been very helpful in changing thought patterns. I think you can probably order it online or check it out at the library. Hugs.
Thanks for the recommendation! I will look for that workbook. I\'m willing to try anything that might help.