Back to square one.
Yesterday afternoon I started my period.. It has been the most painful period I have experienced in a very long time. My pain meds wont suffice and I spent the entire night crying and curled up in a ball wondering at what point God was going to shine some light on me. I feel like I am back at square one. I got all of 2 hours MAX sleep. I am still in so much pain right now...Im colourless and fatigued and to top it off, lifeless.
I don't know if this natural path is working, maybe this is a bad month period wise? maybe it'll get better from here? I've been saying that for 11 years! My mum even called me last night to check I was ok as I called her in so much pain. When I first left home I would ring my mum everytime my period was bad and I was bed ridden because talking occupied my mind. She knows this and checks on me constantly so I don't feel like I am bothering her, sort of a hand reaching out. Shes good like that :)
It's Jases birthday tomorrow..we're going to his mums for dinner... but what if I am like this? Im barely off the couch. It's so depressing, im 20 years old! TWENTY. It's not why me why me why me, I know there's others, I know I'm not being targetted...but just, when God, when will I have a quality of life? Im trying so hard, I've stopped whinging, but Jase knows. I don't want to ruin his birthday, I really really dont. *sigh*.
The doctors tell me I have no more traces of the disease in me (dated July 8th after surgery). But what if it's growing back rapidly again? URGHH.
I had one friend tell me to "stay positive- because her friend well, she had heaps of surgeries too and finally she fixed now shes cured". I know it was bitchy but I said "no, shes fine for now, this disease doesn't have a cure, she's just lucky enough for it to work for her for an extended period of time, and thats great, but we're not all the same, and while I've been ok, im not holding my breath".
Jase thinks I'm too negative, and I have been trying so hard, not whinging, keeping up with exercising, eating right, being happier. Then BAM..like I've been knocked out.
Back to square one.
Again.
I don't know if this natural path is working, maybe this is a bad month period wise? maybe it'll get better from here? I've been saying that for 11 years! My mum even called me last night to check I was ok as I called her in so much pain. When I first left home I would ring my mum everytime my period was bad and I was bed ridden because talking occupied my mind. She knows this and checks on me constantly so I don't feel like I am bothering her, sort of a hand reaching out. Shes good like that :)
It's Jases birthday tomorrow..we're going to his mums for dinner... but what if I am like this? Im barely off the couch. It's so depressing, im 20 years old! TWENTY. It's not why me why me why me, I know there's others, I know I'm not being targetted...but just, when God, when will I have a quality of life? Im trying so hard, I've stopped whinging, but Jase knows. I don't want to ruin his birthday, I really really dont. *sigh*.
The doctors tell me I have no more traces of the disease in me (dated July 8th after surgery). But what if it's growing back rapidly again? URGHH.
I had one friend tell me to "stay positive- because her friend well, she had heaps of surgeries too and finally she fixed now shes cured". I know it was bitchy but I said "no, shes fine for now, this disease doesn't have a cure, she's just lucky enough for it to work for her for an extended period of time, and thats great, but we're not all the same, and while I've been ok, im not holding my breath".
Jase thinks I'm too negative, and I have been trying so hard, not whinging, keeping up with exercising, eating right, being happier. Then BAM..like I've been knocked out.
Back to square one.
Again.
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