Back to Good Today
I was feeling just okay yesterday, but I'm back to feeling good today. Hopefully I won't lose this journal like I did yesterday, we will see. What happened was I wrote my journal and when I got to the end where I talk about my food and stuff, I had forgotten to put in my food for the day on Spark.com, so I went there and put in my food. I forgot that I hadn't submitted my journal and shut down the computer and lost it. Oh well. It was a good journal, talking about how I was feeling and all, but it's gone and I don't remember half the things I said in there to recreate it.
So, August has come and gone. A month where I felt so good, stable, and only hallucinated a bit. I didn't know I was going to have such a good month. I'm really surprised that I had a good stretch, as long as a month and still going, so it's just crazy to me. A good kind of crazy. I hope it lasts through September and beyond as well. I'm hoping for the best but trying to plan for the worst. At first I had no idea what was going on, and was worried that I was hypomanic. Then I kinda got into the hang of it, and it seems like I'm good today as well. I was talking with Geo about how he thought I did last month, and he agrees that I had a good month. Sometimes I think I'm doing good or bad, and then I get his opinion and it's not what I expected. I think it over and either agree with him or disagree. This time we both agreed that I did good. I'm glad, and it's something I want to tell my therapist tomorrow, along with trying to learn how to let go. I think if I have some time online tonight after this is done, I'm going to look up online strategies for letting go, so I have something to bring to the table tomorrow. That is, if I can remember. My memory still isn't great, but I can try and keep it on my mind. I should mentally pat myself on the back for the great month. I don't know if it's the new meds, or what, but I'm just glad that I went to the hospital at the beginning of last month. After I got out, this good mood happened and stuck with me. They changed my antidepressant in there, so that's why I might be less depressed. All I know is that it changed me for the better.
I'm also going to try and spend some more time for myself. Yeah, I know, I have all this time for myself per se, but I don't always do things with it that I want to do. I go online at night to do my journal, because it's good for me to do my journal. Sometimes I feel like checking my comics and stuff is a pain, and other times I like it. I groan when I look at my inbox and see I have 20 emails I need to respond to, but at the same time if I didn't have these things, what would I do with my day? So I decided that I'm going to try and take a bath every day I work when I get home to try and de-stress. I took one today and felt better, even though I wasn't stressed. I just wanted to do something nice for myself, since I've been working so hard at losing weight and stuff. I did good last month for the most part... I gained one pound over the month, but I went up 6 pounds and lost 5 of the 6, so that's an accomplishment. I gained most of that weight when I was in the hospital because of the food, so it's not like I had much of a choice over it. I joined a fall weight loss challenge on SparkPeople.com and I'm hoping to lose 10 pounds over the 8 weeks of the challenge. I want to start working on my next 5k when the weather cools down a bit... it's still swimming weather here. I felt so good when I did my last 5k, that I want to do another one. I think on Sunday I'm going to start trying for my next one. I consider that to be time for myself as well, since I'm doing something I like to do.
I hope I can come out of therapy tomorrow and the next days just as good as I feel today, and felt last month. Last night I wasn't feeling as good because I talked about the trigger things, but I'm feeling better today. I don't know why, but I'm not going to question it, I'm just going to roll with the good mood. I'm not going to second guess why I'm feeling good anymore, unless I start going manic.
Food today wasn't so good... not that I ate bad things, I just didn't eat enough. I'm not hungry enough to eat my calories for the day. I'm at 1100 calories for the day and I'm stuffed. I couldn't eat now if I wanted to. I'm supposed to be at 1500 calories minimum, but I can't seem to eat that lately. I hope I'm not sabotaging myself by starving myself, but if my body wanted more food, shouldn't I be more hungry? I don't know. Tomorrow I should have an easier time meeting my calories, since I'm going to be going to Subway for lunch and getting a sub that has about 700 calories for breakfast and lunch combined. Stress was low today, mood was good and sleep was good. I got about 12 hours of sleep, and woke up feeling pretty good. I slept an extra hour that I didn't need to, but I feel good and I should be able to fall asleep on time tonight for therapy tomorrow.
So, August has come and gone. A month where I felt so good, stable, and only hallucinated a bit. I didn't know I was going to have such a good month. I'm really surprised that I had a good stretch, as long as a month and still going, so it's just crazy to me. A good kind of crazy. I hope it lasts through September and beyond as well. I'm hoping for the best but trying to plan for the worst. At first I had no idea what was going on, and was worried that I was hypomanic. Then I kinda got into the hang of it, and it seems like I'm good today as well. I was talking with Geo about how he thought I did last month, and he agrees that I had a good month. Sometimes I think I'm doing good or bad, and then I get his opinion and it's not what I expected. I think it over and either agree with him or disagree. This time we both agreed that I did good. I'm glad, and it's something I want to tell my therapist tomorrow, along with trying to learn how to let go. I think if I have some time online tonight after this is done, I'm going to look up online strategies for letting go, so I have something to bring to the table tomorrow. That is, if I can remember. My memory still isn't great, but I can try and keep it on my mind. I should mentally pat myself on the back for the great month. I don't know if it's the new meds, or what, but I'm just glad that I went to the hospital at the beginning of last month. After I got out, this good mood happened and stuck with me. They changed my antidepressant in there, so that's why I might be less depressed. All I know is that it changed me for the better.
I'm also going to try and spend some more time for myself. Yeah, I know, I have all this time for myself per se, but I don't always do things with it that I want to do. I go online at night to do my journal, because it's good for me to do my journal. Sometimes I feel like checking my comics and stuff is a pain, and other times I like it. I groan when I look at my inbox and see I have 20 emails I need to respond to, but at the same time if I didn't have these things, what would I do with my day? So I decided that I'm going to try and take a bath every day I work when I get home to try and de-stress. I took one today and felt better, even though I wasn't stressed. I just wanted to do something nice for myself, since I've been working so hard at losing weight and stuff. I did good last month for the most part... I gained one pound over the month, but I went up 6 pounds and lost 5 of the 6, so that's an accomplishment. I gained most of that weight when I was in the hospital because of the food, so it's not like I had much of a choice over it. I joined a fall weight loss challenge on SparkPeople.com and I'm hoping to lose 10 pounds over the 8 weeks of the challenge. I want to start working on my next 5k when the weather cools down a bit... it's still swimming weather here. I felt so good when I did my last 5k, that I want to do another one. I think on Sunday I'm going to start trying for my next one. I consider that to be time for myself as well, since I'm doing something I like to do.
I hope I can come out of therapy tomorrow and the next days just as good as I feel today, and felt last month. Last night I wasn't feeling as good because I talked about the trigger things, but I'm feeling better today. I don't know why, but I'm not going to question it, I'm just going to roll with the good mood. I'm not going to second guess why I'm feeling good anymore, unless I start going manic.
Food today wasn't so good... not that I ate bad things, I just didn't eat enough. I'm not hungry enough to eat my calories for the day. I'm at 1100 calories for the day and I'm stuffed. I couldn't eat now if I wanted to. I'm supposed to be at 1500 calories minimum, but I can't seem to eat that lately. I hope I'm not sabotaging myself by starving myself, but if my body wanted more food, shouldn't I be more hungry? I don't know. Tomorrow I should have an easier time meeting my calories, since I'm going to be going to Subway for lunch and getting a sub that has about 700 calories for breakfast and lunch combined. Stress was low today, mood was good and sleep was good. I got about 12 hours of sleep, and woke up feeling pretty good. I slept an extra hour that I didn't need to, but I feel good and I should be able to fall asleep on time tonight for therapy tomorrow.
Replies