Back to Feeling Great
Today was my mom's sister in law's birthday. The whole family came over and we have a barbecue. It was a lot of fun. The only downside during the day was that I got a migraine when everyone was over so I had to lie down for about an hour. I was having a bunch of fun playing gin with the birthday girl (well, woman, but you know what I mean). I also got to see her new grandson who was born last week a month preemie. I'm glad I got to see the baby but it gave me baby fever. Now I want a baby. I can just imagine telling Geo I want a baby. He's going to look at me like I'm crazy since it's the last thing we can afford. Plus, I still can't get off my pills so I can't have a baby. It's just I'm at that age where women want to have a child (I'm 28) and I've never had a kid before. I get tired of being asked how many kids I have and getting a weird look when I say zero. It's like I'm being weird when I'm just being careful and responsible. I know most women my age have kids, but I'm just not ready for them yet. I would love to have a child for the most part, but I don't want the bad things lol, the crying, the lost sleep, the terrible twos and rebellion... but I want a cute cuddly baby to play with. I don't know... I guess it's just my hormones.
I was thinking today I need to stop being so strict on my definitions. I've been having a good time with my mom's husband, but I can't call him my stepdad since my stepdad is my stepdad. I know a lot of people can just have 2 stepdads or whatever, but I have trouble with it. I just need to stop being so close minded. I kinda wish I could talk to my sister about it, but she doesn't like talking about my stepdad. She and him got into a big fight once and she moved out. Since then, they don't talk at all. She doesn't want me to talk about him to her at all, or else I would ask her about this. It's hard having this disconnect in my family, but that's just the way it is I guess. No family is perfect, and even though I wish mine was, it's not. At least I have a lot of people who love and care about me, even if they don't all talk to each other. I guess having people who care is the most important thing. I know I have people I can turn to if I need help. I can't tell you how nice that is after having all this uncertainty all my life. I've moved around a lot and it's nice to know that I'm finally getting things under control. I have a steady income where I don't have to worry about losing my job and being homeless because of my mental illness, Geo and I are doing well, and we have lived in our apartment for 2 years and just signed the lease for the third. Three years is a long time for me to stay in one place. I used to move a lot as a kid.
I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm glad I have a loving, caring family and a good relationship with Geo. I talked to a friend of mine from my old job today, and she is having problems with her ex. I've made up with most of my exes and have come to terms with how they have wronged me and I have wronged them. I still talk to my first boyfriend... I was talking to him on Facebook last week. One of my other exes just got married, and when she did I congratulated her. Yes, some of my exes are female, I'm kinda bi. I'm more of leaning towards lesbian, but I am with Geo so it makes it hard for me to claim that. People accept bi easier than lesbian when you are dating a man lol. I just have weird definitions like I said above. I have problems with change, and don't really feel bi even if I am. Anyway, I also have a roof over my head, steady income, a place that appreciates me to volunteer at, and good friends. I think I have a pretty full life, and have things pretty together for a 28 year old. I don't feel like anything is missing. I do have my illnesses, but they are a part of my life that I have to live with. I'm okay with them now since I've been on a good streak lately, but when I get depressed they seem like the worst thing in the world. Well, everything seems like the worst thing in the world when I'm depressed. But that's depression.
Food today was okay... I had ribs for dinner which have a lot of calories and fat, but I managed to stay under my 1,900 calories for the day. I try and eat between 1,550 and 1,900 calories a day and have about 30% protein, 20% fat and 50% carbs. I know I need to raise my protein and lower my carbs, but that's something I'm working on. I can't see a nutritionist since I don't have insurance, but I have taken advice from people online and online nutritionists. My sleep was good last night, I got 12 hours and an hour and a half nap. I'm still a bit tired, but that's because I didn't sleep well last yesterday night. Stress was low today, and overall I'm just feeling great!
I was thinking today I need to stop being so strict on my definitions. I've been having a good time with my mom's husband, but I can't call him my stepdad since my stepdad is my stepdad. I know a lot of people can just have 2 stepdads or whatever, but I have trouble with it. I just need to stop being so close minded. I kinda wish I could talk to my sister about it, but she doesn't like talking about my stepdad. She and him got into a big fight once and she moved out. Since then, they don't talk at all. She doesn't want me to talk about him to her at all, or else I would ask her about this. It's hard having this disconnect in my family, but that's just the way it is I guess. No family is perfect, and even though I wish mine was, it's not. At least I have a lot of people who love and care about me, even if they don't all talk to each other. I guess having people who care is the most important thing. I know I have people I can turn to if I need help. I can't tell you how nice that is after having all this uncertainty all my life. I've moved around a lot and it's nice to know that I'm finally getting things under control. I have a steady income where I don't have to worry about losing my job and being homeless because of my mental illness, Geo and I are doing well, and we have lived in our apartment for 2 years and just signed the lease for the third. Three years is a long time for me to stay in one place. I used to move a lot as a kid.
I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm glad I have a loving, caring family and a good relationship with Geo. I talked to a friend of mine from my old job today, and she is having problems with her ex. I've made up with most of my exes and have come to terms with how they have wronged me and I have wronged them. I still talk to my first boyfriend... I was talking to him on Facebook last week. One of my other exes just got married, and when she did I congratulated her. Yes, some of my exes are female, I'm kinda bi. I'm more of leaning towards lesbian, but I am with Geo so it makes it hard for me to claim that. People accept bi easier than lesbian when you are dating a man lol. I just have weird definitions like I said above. I have problems with change, and don't really feel bi even if I am. Anyway, I also have a roof over my head, steady income, a place that appreciates me to volunteer at, and good friends. I think I have a pretty full life, and have things pretty together for a 28 year old. I don't feel like anything is missing. I do have my illnesses, but they are a part of my life that I have to live with. I'm okay with them now since I've been on a good streak lately, but when I get depressed they seem like the worst thing in the world. Well, everything seems like the worst thing in the world when I'm depressed. But that's depression.
Food today was okay... I had ribs for dinner which have a lot of calories and fat, but I managed to stay under my 1,900 calories for the day. I try and eat between 1,550 and 1,900 calories a day and have about 30% protein, 20% fat and 50% carbs. I know I need to raise my protein and lower my carbs, but that's something I'm working on. I can't see a nutritionist since I don't have insurance, but I have taken advice from people online and online nutritionists. My sleep was good last night, I got 12 hours and an hour and a half nap. I'm still a bit tired, but that's because I didn't sleep well last yesterday night. Stress was low today, and overall I'm just feeling great!
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