Back to Day 1

I feel like such a weak person...why can't I just stay strong.  I drank twice since.  I know its insane to continue drinking.  I was going to AA everyday last month and would come home and drink.  My husband said I drank more when going to AA so I stopped going and thought I could again stop on my own.  I lasted 3 days and then drank again 3 days later.  I keep pouring out the bottles to only go buy more days later.  When will this insanity stop.  I can tell myself it will stop when I am ready but I am ready and I just can't stop.  But I want to soooo bad.