Back on Track

I was really really frustrated on DS before vacation and things only got worse when I got back.  I would go in to read someone's journal or post and all of a sudden, nothing was happening.  Then the little hourglass would appear.  Then after much time, I would hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete and the task manager would say "not responding."  And this was only DS.  So after going into help, upgraded my Internet Explorer to 8.0 and that still didn't help.  Now I downloaded Firefox 3.0 and so far so good.  I had gotten an email from DS about a month ago saying that Firefox works better????  So we will see.  I would hate to have to leave because of this but after hours of being on DS and not being able to do anything, if that continued there would be no way I could keep coming here.   Vacation was nice.  Had incredibly beautiful weather last week.  Had some friends come and stay for a few days with their kids.  So again, I let myself be sabotaged and drank, ate and was merry.  Also, it is kind of difficult to say "let me go for my 35-40 minute walk while you stay here" to my friends.  But I am back on track today.  I lost .5 lbs last week, which is good.  I had gained 1.5 lbs the week before.   Saturday was my mom's birthday, so yes, I had cake, hamburger, corn on the cob, wine.  Very disappointing to see my sister and brother.  I felt very ignored.  I came home feeling pretty depressed.  My sister lost 60 lbs, which is great.  I would imagine she has another 60 or so left to go.  But it was very noticeable.  I had only lost 13 and not really noticeable at all except to me.  I am ok and not really jealous.  I truly am happy for her.  She is very pretty and does so much better than me on hair and makeup, and even with her extreme weight, has so much more confidence than I ever had.  But the whole conversation was between her and my brother's wife and was about her and I guess I just could not jump in the middle.  My dad had asked my sister to call me as he knew we were going through some really rough times with David.  My dad was really worried.  My sister called but never left a message.  I saw the caller ID and called her back and left several messages, which she never returned.  So Saturday, I asked her what she called me about.  She said "Dad told me to call you as you were having a rough time."  I walked over to talk to her and said "yeah, we were having problems with David."  She turns around and goes right back to talking to my sister in law.  Never asked me how I was or did things get resolved.  It is pretty bad.  I am the oldest of 4 plus my half sister and I feel like an only child.  I really do.  My son is an only child and I feel really bad for that.   I guess I am feeling a little blue after that and stress from work today.  Phone ringing off the hook since I was out for 2 weeks.  And my son really has no friends anymore, and other than here in cyber space, neither do I.  Please, to all my friends, don't take offense to that comment.  Without my friends here and love and support, I would truly be alone I think, except for Paul and David and my Mom.  I just wish I had 1 good friend to go out for coffee once in a while or who would call me once in a while to say hello.  I am as much into listening as talking.   My three closet girlfriends and my sister were all bridesmaids in my wedding 13 years ago.  Plus I had a 4th girlfriend I was also really close to.  One by one they all got divorces and just completely stopped returning my calls.  I guess I have a little of the Whoa is Me's right now.   I want to lose weight to gain some self confidence.  I want to feel better about myself and look better.  I know that it won't "fix" me but it will certainly help, as the weight gain has caused me to become much more introverted and self conscious.