Back into the dark for awhile
I allowed myself to get close to someone for awhile. And this friend broke my heart. Everytime im feeling i get a glimmer of happiness in my life, it goes away. I have a hard time trusting people as it is. But this friend had something better come up and then we werent friends anymore.
Im so tired of the way things are. Im wondering if going to NJ would be the best decision. Ive wanted to be out of Florida for awhile. But still..there is living on my own for a year.. Im indecisive. Its not an easy decision. Once i think I have my mind made up, i get conflicted. Everytime someone hurts me i just want to leave. I dont want to be alone yet i cant stand the pain when someone hurts me.
Roomie cannot console me. I cant tell him how im feeling...he has done little in the past to console me. My job is the leading factor. If tommorow i felt it were going sideways id probably leave. I guess i need to pay attention over the next month to see how things go, then make a decision. Im drowning.
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Four little words that bring joy to sorrow and sorrow to joy are, "This, too, shall pass." When the butterfly of happiness chooses to land on my shoulder, I seize the moment. When that moment of happiness flies away, I endure the moment. Either way, it be the small appreciations which keep me smiling, wherever I am. My physical location or who is feeding my fairy tale fantasies donae have much to do with that appreciation. It's a strictly personal choice. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. To smile or not to smile. That is the question.
So opineth The Arf. . .
Continued support while you sort your own expectations and course of action.
I decided to give my antidepressants another try.
I applaud the choice.
Easy does it, Cap'n. Steady as she goes through the stormy sees.
I do too.