Back in the deep end

I am home here sat up in bed, yet I feel like a terminally ill patient on a hospital ward.
I have chosen not to use the experimental treatment available to me, yet you'd think I would seeing as circumstances appear so dire. The reality is, I have come to understand why I am the way I am quite well, and why I fall in the deep end so often. No amount of pills would help to change what I find so threatening about the world I've come to know. The conditioning I've gone through, and continue to keep up is a strong bond - never been able to be broken, but occasionally it shrinks in size enough to feel more of what life has to offer.
The child inside me is still needing much in the way of healing, and the adult that I am needs to nurtured in how to function properly as one.
I have hope, for I've seen the power of what people call love can do. I've seen the beauty in how this world can allow it's occupants to be. I may be in my sick bed, yet I'll know again what it means to be well.