Back in our bedroom for now,my back is thankful

Good morning journal,the time is 10:10am,I am awake and very rested.We made a choice last evening to put our bed back in our bedroom,it isn't completely dry,but it is usable for now,we weighed up the dampness and the possible effects on my breathing against the damage to our backs;our backs won!. No doubt,we will be faced with the lounge floor again in the next few days as we have a forecast for heavy snow and rain,but for now,it was nice to sleep in a soft warm bed.Today,my wife and I will go shopping for the supplies we need to see out the rest of the month,the money in the pot is dwindling fast now,so it is a case of necessities only,no little luxuries for us for the foreseeable future. We can only pray that we hear something soon from the various benefit agencies that we have applied to,it angers me that they make me feel like a parasitic beggar for asking for help when I have paid my taxes and national insurance for the past forty three years,but I will continue to be polite,despite my annoyance,because I have no other choice.In my darker moments,I often wonder if we will survive,for the light at the end of this very long tunnel we find ourselves in seems an impossibly long way off.The voices in my mind keep offering me a solution,but it is final,and with no way back;Jeremiah is growing much stronger,and I struggle to keep control of my thought process,my memory lapses are becoming a major concern for me,my wife tells me I become angry and hostile towards her,a lot of times I don't remember,is this when Jeremiah takes over?,I don't know. I guess the bottom line is,I don't know when I'm me or someone completely different,Michael and Ruth are quieter than Jeremiah,but I am very aware of them,and the thought that I can change personalities as easily as one flicks a switch,is a frightening and bewildering one. My wife seems to know when I am struggling with my voices,and she speaks to Jeremiah directly as easily and matter of fact as asking if I would like a coffee,but at these times,when I remember,I am unsure if it is Jeremiah or me that answers.Sometimes,there is a four way conversation taking place in my mind,Jeremiah,Michael,Ruth and me,and when I am tired,they are much stronger than I am. I hope that someday I can be free again,when my mind is my own without sharing,I can only hope that my doctor and my mental health team can come up with a solution,but right now,that seems a very slim possibility.Well journal,we got kind of deep this morning,and I grow tired,so until the next time,peace walk with us as we journey through today.