"Back" at it
Been in a lot of pain this whole year. Did a number on my back in January from a fall and took a long time to recover from that. Just on the recovery side of things, guess who comes back? This mysterious and crippling flare up of unknown origin; except, its place of birth is less of a mystery since imaging of my hip and lumbar spine from the fall revealed more than just a boo boo.
I've been dealing with these flareups for years. I went to emerge one night after my fall, and the emerge doc looked grim when I came back from my X-Ray, saying he wanted a CT done. I saw him again after the CT scan, and he said a) he wasn't comfortable explaining what it meant and b) that I had to go see a Neurosurgeon to find out what it all means.I meet my neurosurgeon, who is excellent, and he spends about an hour and a half with me doing various biomechanical prods and tests. He thought my case was curious, and went through my whole medical file, looking at any imaging I've had done in this province. What he wanted to see wasn't on there, so he ordered an MRI a good while down the road, long after I should be healed from the fall.
My GP is great, but I moved to a different town and started a new job that will make it very difficult to see her, especially since she's only part time. I've had a really bad flareup this fall, right when the weather started turning nasty, which was so bad I was struggling to walk short distances. Prior to this I had been running, an activity that I felt an immense amount of accomplishment doing, knowing that just a couple of months earlier I was still relearning how to walk.
Kinda damaging to your self-esteem, to go from increasing your speed and distance as a runner to... Well, not being able to walk to a bus stop. Literally, overnight. I just woke up one morning and nothing was okay. I've been through a lot in the emotional sense, so I'm holding out ok in that regard, but I feel like my body is a rogue operative: it doesn't do what it's told, it has its own agenda, and its totally unreliable.
The MRI is just over 2 weeks away now, and there will be some time yet before I will get to see my neurosurgeon about the results, but everything else - all the imaging, tests, medical history and family history - points to Ankylosing Spondylitis.And that sucks.
But it's ok, because it's not like attaching a name to something makes it doubly difficult to deal with. So I go from just having a total failure of a body with no known reason to having a total failure of a body with a known reason; it's still a total failure and I have to continue to find ways to overcome the difficulties.
Having a name, or a dx as most refer to it as, however, means that you can get the help you need. It can help you choose treatments not only limited to medications, but also diet, exercise, and the various tips and tricks. I've had arthritis since I was 13 so I'm good and familiar with not only the pain but also the mantra "move it or lose it."
It is just so hard, on those days where you are crippled, to "move it". If you've already "lost it", all you can do is wait until it comes back. I know the nature of these flareups by now. They last at least 2-4 weeks, and there's no amount of anything I can do to make them go away on my time, rather than theirs. The one constant in this equation is that being active and strong prior to a flareup really helps me maintain some kind of normalcy. I had one so bad my hip locked into place where I was dragging my knuckles on the ground and couldn't stand upright without using my arms to hold myself up on something. I was 24 at the time. 24 year olds shouldn't be needing walkers.
Since my fall earlier this year, one pain that has always come and gone with flareups has decided to take up permanent residence. It's this excruciating pain in my right hip whenever I try to roll over to the left when I'm laying down. For some reason, the force I'm using with my right leg bent just sends me into the seventh layer of Hell.There being a vacant spot on the team of pains associated with flareups, a newcomer decided to move in. This one wakes me up in the middle of the night. It's like someone's got the tendons between my heels and my calves on a winch and they just start cranking it until it's about to snap. It starts at my heels, which is what wakes me up, and as it travels up my calves and I open my mouth to scream, the pain is so gripping that I can't make a sound. A few seconds later, everything goes back to normal so long as I don't try to move. If I try to move my legs or feet, buckle up because here comes another wave!
Every morning, I agonizingly and slowly swing my legs over the edge of the bed, put my feet on the floor, lean forward and using both hands on my thighs, push myself into a more typical Homo erectus position. I do that every time I stand up, actually, but it's roughest first thing in the morning. Sometimes, when I'm not too stiff and I'm out in public, I try to get a bit of momentum going to swing my upper body up. That's not always an option.
Throughout the day, things loosen up and I'm almost normal in function. Towards the end of the day when I'm tired and worn out, I start turning back into a Tin Man but with pain receptors.
Did I mention my boyfriend came home with a new vacuum cleaner today? This one should be much more effective and much easier on my body. I actually can't wait. 2 dogs and 2 cats means a lot of cleaning.
My new job is fantastic and SO much easier on my body, too. It's fewer hours which is nice. Pay can't be any lower but you can't have your cake and eat it too. The position I originally applied for went to someone else, but instead of doing 5 days/week of labour, I'm doing 3 days of labour and 2 days of office work, alternating days so it's never the same thing two days in a row. What a godsend.
The last job was terminated horribly (very messy) so I was on EI for a few months. Now that I'm off that, I feel better signing up for classes. I've been weighing decisions between aquafit and yoga. I'm in a small town so options are limited but it seems like I've found a way to try both and continue with one.
Or both, because I don't want there to be a dollar sign attached to my disabilities, in more ways than one.Where's that WD-40? Need to oil up the lower back and SI joints and get myself and the animals all ready for bed.
I've been dealing with these flareups for years. I went to emerge one night after my fall, and the emerge doc looked grim when I came back from my X-Ray, saying he wanted a CT done. I saw him again after the CT scan, and he said a) he wasn't comfortable explaining what it meant and b) that I had to go see a Neurosurgeon to find out what it all means.I meet my neurosurgeon, who is excellent, and he spends about an hour and a half with me doing various biomechanical prods and tests. He thought my case was curious, and went through my whole medical file, looking at any imaging I've had done in this province. What he wanted to see wasn't on there, so he ordered an MRI a good while down the road, long after I should be healed from the fall.
My GP is great, but I moved to a different town and started a new job that will make it very difficult to see her, especially since she's only part time. I've had a really bad flareup this fall, right when the weather started turning nasty, which was so bad I was struggling to walk short distances. Prior to this I had been running, an activity that I felt an immense amount of accomplishment doing, knowing that just a couple of months earlier I was still relearning how to walk.
Kinda damaging to your self-esteem, to go from increasing your speed and distance as a runner to... Well, not being able to walk to a bus stop. Literally, overnight. I just woke up one morning and nothing was okay. I've been through a lot in the emotional sense, so I'm holding out ok in that regard, but I feel like my body is a rogue operative: it doesn't do what it's told, it has its own agenda, and its totally unreliable.
The MRI is just over 2 weeks away now, and there will be some time yet before I will get to see my neurosurgeon about the results, but everything else - all the imaging, tests, medical history and family history - points to Ankylosing Spondylitis.And that sucks.
But it's ok, because it's not like attaching a name to something makes it doubly difficult to deal with. So I go from just having a total failure of a body with no known reason to having a total failure of a body with a known reason; it's still a total failure and I have to continue to find ways to overcome the difficulties.
Having a name, or a dx as most refer to it as, however, means that you can get the help you need. It can help you choose treatments not only limited to medications, but also diet, exercise, and the various tips and tricks. I've had arthritis since I was 13 so I'm good and familiar with not only the pain but also the mantra "move it or lose it."
It is just so hard, on those days where you are crippled, to "move it". If you've already "lost it", all you can do is wait until it comes back. I know the nature of these flareups by now. They last at least 2-4 weeks, and there's no amount of anything I can do to make them go away on my time, rather than theirs. The one constant in this equation is that being active and strong prior to a flareup really helps me maintain some kind of normalcy. I had one so bad my hip locked into place where I was dragging my knuckles on the ground and couldn't stand upright without using my arms to hold myself up on something. I was 24 at the time. 24 year olds shouldn't be needing walkers.
Since my fall earlier this year, one pain that has always come and gone with flareups has decided to take up permanent residence. It's this excruciating pain in my right hip whenever I try to roll over to the left when I'm laying down. For some reason, the force I'm using with my right leg bent just sends me into the seventh layer of Hell.There being a vacant spot on the team of pains associated with flareups, a newcomer decided to move in. This one wakes me up in the middle of the night. It's like someone's got the tendons between my heels and my calves on a winch and they just start cranking it until it's about to snap. It starts at my heels, which is what wakes me up, and as it travels up my calves and I open my mouth to scream, the pain is so gripping that I can't make a sound. A few seconds later, everything goes back to normal so long as I don't try to move. If I try to move my legs or feet, buckle up because here comes another wave!
Every morning, I agonizingly and slowly swing my legs over the edge of the bed, put my feet on the floor, lean forward and using both hands on my thighs, push myself into a more typical Homo erectus position. I do that every time I stand up, actually, but it's roughest first thing in the morning. Sometimes, when I'm not too stiff and I'm out in public, I try to get a bit of momentum going to swing my upper body up. That's not always an option.
Throughout the day, things loosen up and I'm almost normal in function. Towards the end of the day when I'm tired and worn out, I start turning back into a Tin Man but with pain receptors.
Did I mention my boyfriend came home with a new vacuum cleaner today? This one should be much more effective and much easier on my body. I actually can't wait. 2 dogs and 2 cats means a lot of cleaning.
My new job is fantastic and SO much easier on my body, too. It's fewer hours which is nice. Pay can't be any lower but you can't have your cake and eat it too. The position I originally applied for went to someone else, but instead of doing 5 days/week of labour, I'm doing 3 days of labour and 2 days of office work, alternating days so it's never the same thing two days in a row. What a godsend.
The last job was terminated horribly (very messy) so I was on EI for a few months. Now that I'm off that, I feel better signing up for classes. I've been weighing decisions between aquafit and yoga. I'm in a small town so options are limited but it seems like I've found a way to try both and continue with one.
Or both, because I don't want there to be a dollar sign attached to my disabilities, in more ways than one.Where's that WD-40? Need to oil up the lower back and SI joints and get myself and the animals all ready for bed.
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