Back At Life
Well, where the heck do I ever begin.
Dads interment was held Thurs Aug 8th. As per his wishes it was just us 4 children & spouses & it was just a brief graveside interment. He was very specific abt that request. Pastor Martin started with all of being able to say something if we chose then it proceeded fr there. He did an amazing job, very tasteful & serene somehow. My brother & sister in law brought a bottle of non alcholic champagne so we could all have a toast right there which was a unique touch I think.
Of course there are family politics happening but I wonder if everything went too smooth maybe that would be stranger then having politics. I'm still in the process of cleaning out his apartment - holy moly what a job! I've got till the end of Aug & for a while I felt I'd never be able to get thru this aspect of it but thru stubborn determination & some guidance fr our Lord I'm doing OK. My youngest sister is a real godsend with this aspect of it. Boy do people ever have a way of letting stuff collect over time don't they. It's spurred hubby & I even more to keep downsizing & I have to admit it does feel good to purge all kinds of items, clothes, etc. etc. At least I'm at peace with the fact that every item possible is going to a charitable cause of some kind.
There's only one issue - on Wed evening one sister & my brother are having a sort of come & go coffee reception. I do know this was against dad's wishes (he was a very private low key type of man). I'm really not comfortable with the way they proceeded to arrange it & after alot of soul searching & praying on it I've chosen not to attend as has my youngest sister. We both feel that it's just not right morally or in our heart & soul. We've told my other sister & honestly I can't really judge how she feels abt it. This sister suffers fr depression (chemical imbalance in the brain) so alot of times in life you never know where the heck she's coming fr. I do wonder if her & my brother feel they need to go thru all this for satisfying closure for them. Does it make me a strange character by my choosing not to be involved in this function?????
I seem to have moments where it seems like life just sort of steps in front of me & wham the thought "wow, the main route of the family is now gone". This month is just somehow feeling so surreal on so many levels.
The lupus aspect of life did take a bit of a beating but I stayed way way better then what I could have hoped. No serious flare episodes just some minor road blocks type of thing. I've lost way too much weight, 13 lbs in total & I'm now 120. I'm pretty sure that it's alot because of what I've gone thru the last several months. It's even getting to be a concern for me & after the apartment is done & finished an I selfish in stating that I want to focus my life on me, on rebuilding the best health I can.
Hubby was pretty darn wonderful thru all of this. Not to say there wasn't moments where we were almost at each other because of my one sister but we did manage to rise above it. Man there were a fair amt of tense times/situations. I know it's been hard for him sometimes because he's not really physically able to help like he'd like to but I try to reassure him that his overall support speaks volumes.
I did continue to do my weekly 3 hrs & the cat shelter & as strange as this may sound - being surrounded by all that total kitty love was probably the best medicine I could ever ask for.
I've got a variety of neat pics I've transferred onto my computer but not to DS yet. I'm so hoping to do that tomorrow afternoon as I'm anxious to share them with the dearest people I know. Actually when I stop & think - being surrounded by my DS friends is just as good if not better then being surrounded by kitty love LOL.
Well I think I've babbled enough for now. I'm sure there was other things I wanted to chat abt but I can always post again right if things do come to mind.
Promise, promise I'm going to get caught up with all my friends' goings on but it might have to wait till tomorrow afternoon (I'm at the apartment again tomorrow morning).
So I'm officially announcing I'm back & plan on glueing myself to DS.
Dads interment was held Thurs Aug 8th. As per his wishes it was just us 4 children & spouses & it was just a brief graveside interment. He was very specific abt that request. Pastor Martin started with all of being able to say something if we chose then it proceeded fr there. He did an amazing job, very tasteful & serene somehow. My brother & sister in law brought a bottle of non alcholic champagne so we could all have a toast right there which was a unique touch I think.
Of course there are family politics happening but I wonder if everything went too smooth maybe that would be stranger then having politics. I'm still in the process of cleaning out his apartment - holy moly what a job! I've got till the end of Aug & for a while I felt I'd never be able to get thru this aspect of it but thru stubborn determination & some guidance fr our Lord I'm doing OK. My youngest sister is a real godsend with this aspect of it. Boy do people ever have a way of letting stuff collect over time don't they. It's spurred hubby & I even more to keep downsizing & I have to admit it does feel good to purge all kinds of items, clothes, etc. etc. At least I'm at peace with the fact that every item possible is going to a charitable cause of some kind.
There's only one issue - on Wed evening one sister & my brother are having a sort of come & go coffee reception. I do know this was against dad's wishes (he was a very private low key type of man). I'm really not comfortable with the way they proceeded to arrange it & after alot of soul searching & praying on it I've chosen not to attend as has my youngest sister. We both feel that it's just not right morally or in our heart & soul. We've told my other sister & honestly I can't really judge how she feels abt it. This sister suffers fr depression (chemical imbalance in the brain) so alot of times in life you never know where the heck she's coming fr. I do wonder if her & my brother feel they need to go thru all this for satisfying closure for them. Does it make me a strange character by my choosing not to be involved in this function?????
I seem to have moments where it seems like life just sort of steps in front of me & wham the thought "wow, the main route of the family is now gone". This month is just somehow feeling so surreal on so many levels.
The lupus aspect of life did take a bit of a beating but I stayed way way better then what I could have hoped. No serious flare episodes just some minor road blocks type of thing. I've lost way too much weight, 13 lbs in total & I'm now 120. I'm pretty sure that it's alot because of what I've gone thru the last several months. It's even getting to be a concern for me & after the apartment is done & finished an I selfish in stating that I want to focus my life on me, on rebuilding the best health I can.
Hubby was pretty darn wonderful thru all of this. Not to say there wasn't moments where we were almost at each other because of my one sister but we did manage to rise above it. Man there were a fair amt of tense times/situations. I know it's been hard for him sometimes because he's not really physically able to help like he'd like to but I try to reassure him that his overall support speaks volumes.
I did continue to do my weekly 3 hrs & the cat shelter & as strange as this may sound - being surrounded by all that total kitty love was probably the best medicine I could ever ask for.
I've got a variety of neat pics I've transferred onto my computer but not to DS yet. I'm so hoping to do that tomorrow afternoon as I'm anxious to share them with the dearest people I know. Actually when I stop & think - being surrounded by my DS friends is just as good if not better then being surrounded by kitty love LOL.
Well I think I've babbled enough for now. I'm sure there was other things I wanted to chat abt but I can always post again right if things do come to mind.
Promise, promise I'm going to get caught up with all my friends' goings on but it might have to wait till tomorrow afternoon (I'm at the apartment again tomorrow morning).
So I'm officially announcing I'm back & plan on glueing myself to DS.
Replies
WELCOME BACK!! Happy you journed. WOW can\'t believe you weigh 120 lbs.. I used to weigh that when I was in my fifties.
I do not think any less of you for not going to have coffee with your brother and sister. You have done more then your share through all of this. You do what you fill is right for you. M wish is things start to calm down for you and Mel and you get back to your sweet and simple life. I agree having all that love from the kitty\'s had to help you go through all the grief you did. I am always here for you. call me any time I enjoy our conversations. May your heart be at peace and your home full of joy .
Love, Frieda xoxo
I have to catch up, Kitty, I\'ll be back, I\'m sorry to have missed this journal and be 2 weeks late!..... ugh .... think of you daily and hope you\'re doing okay....need to come back on the weekend...
Hi! I know I looked for an entry recently, but did not see this, which is a bit odd. I have been thinking of you and hoping you were taking it easy! I do so know what you mean about tense situations during a funeral week and trying so hard to avoid it. Oh boy, I recall last year, the funeral of my FIl was the worst week I think I may have EVER had. So, I was a bit worried about you!
Glad the kitty therapy has helped you. I know the stress of trying to clean out someone\'s house on a deadline. The solution for us, when stress came to a head, was just to throw, throw throw. We never regretted any of that part, as you say, we all have too much stuff anyway. Please Please take care of yourself OK? You are in my prayers and I think you are doing a wonderful job of balance it all. Lots of love, xoxo, m
Okay, I came back and got caught up. Love the toast of bubbly @ your dad\'s internment. How wonderful...sure he smiled from heaven :) ... I agree about not going to the reception after, per your dad\'s wishes but you\'re right that everyone deals with these hard situations differently and perhaps is their way of respecting your dad? Closure is closure and I\'m all for the \'if it helps you, great!\'.
It is hard seeing the legacy lines disappearing. My dad is the oldest of 4 and there\'s just him and his youngest sister left. Although I don\'t talk with him, I bet he\'s thinking \'why me?\'....waiting. I know he\'s downsizing, selling stuff off so the kids won\'t be doing the huge clean up, like you and your sis are. Still, sad way to end your life, I think.
Happy that you\'re back to your routines, and cat work, know you love that. HUGS to your great DH who is there to help and does! How\'s your recovery from GB surgery?
I\'ll be here more once the weather outside goes bad but I do login once a day...hug me when you upload your pictures okay? xxoo Kitty, love ya!