Back after a long break
Well, I was out. For a long time. Too long. Lack of time isn't an explanation here. But no, I didn't forget the group that helped me so much. And I owe it what I used to do so I'll try to give it at least some of my time.
It's time to say something about changes. The first and biggest one is the fact that finally I found a job I love. My concerns ended finally (see my previous posts). I still hope to earn more (which is possible on this position), but this is something I can do for next ten years (or more) and keep being excited going to work again.
Second and important also is a matter of lying. I guess I made big steps and I want to share it - maybe it can inspire someone? Few days ago we (me and my Wife) received some calculation of actual costs compared to those we paid already. At first I read only a part of it and thought we overpaid and we don't have to pay some of our bills for one month. But when I was just going to hide the paper I've noticed that I misunderstood it and actually we even have to pay some more (a little but the overall difference to what I understood was noticeable). In the past I would most probably hide it from my Wife, perhaps even by paying it from my private account. It took me 2 days of fight with myself but I simply told about the difference. And that's it. The world didn't end! I feel so proud that I didn't lie like I would in the past.
Am I clear of lies. No. But I work on that. And this one is one of great examples of my improvement.
Finally - Wife. Well, not much changed here. Or should I say it seems worse than last time. She wants to divorce and I can see how little She trusts me. I believe we could have our chance if She wanted to but I don't know if I'll manage to persuade Her to give me one more try. However last time again we had a deep talk about our situation and feelings. I told Her about my feelings and somewhat about what led me to my actions in the past. I guess She realized it's truth but said She doesn't know if She could still love me. Well, we'll see...
Hugs and good luck to everyone!
It's time to say something about changes. The first and biggest one is the fact that finally I found a job I love. My concerns ended finally (see my previous posts). I still hope to earn more (which is possible on this position), but this is something I can do for next ten years (or more) and keep being excited going to work again.
Second and important also is a matter of lying. I guess I made big steps and I want to share it - maybe it can inspire someone? Few days ago we (me and my Wife) received some calculation of actual costs compared to those we paid already. At first I read only a part of it and thought we overpaid and we don't have to pay some of our bills for one month. But when I was just going to hide the paper I've noticed that I misunderstood it and actually we even have to pay some more (a little but the overall difference to what I understood was noticeable). In the past I would most probably hide it from my Wife, perhaps even by paying it from my private account. It took me 2 days of fight with myself but I simply told about the difference. And that's it. The world didn't end! I feel so proud that I didn't lie like I would in the past.
Am I clear of lies. No. But I work on that. And this one is one of great examples of my improvement.
Finally - Wife. Well, not much changed here. Or should I say it seems worse than last time. She wants to divorce and I can see how little She trusts me. I believe we could have our chance if She wanted to but I don't know if I'll manage to persuade Her to give me one more try. However last time again we had a deep talk about our situation and feelings. I told Her about my feelings and somewhat about what led me to my actions in the past. I guess She realized it's truth but said She doesn't know if She could still love me. Well, we'll see...
Hugs and good luck to everyone!
Replies
Hey Ister,
So glad to hear you\'re back at it again! I think we all need our times of falling out of our recovery to realize how important it is to us. I know I definitely have my times from time to time. Thanks for sharing your experience you had on confronting your lying and making the right choice. Did you share this story on the msg board too? I think it would be good to post there. Maybe we can start a new thread about \"What I was honest about today\" or something like that. It\'s good to \"hear\" that other people have chosen to be honest, but it\'s a completely different experience to actually hear a specific example about when someone made the conscious decision to be honest.
Anyways, glad you\'re back!
Laura