Back after 9 years
Hello everyone !
Hi to my young version years back !
Can't believe that I'm back here again after 9 years, when my divorce is finalized a few months ago. I'm not sad of the divorce. In contrast, I'm thankful it's over and my ex moved out. So, I'm here with different energy.
I found this website just by chance, about 15 years ago. I was so young, broken hearted, desparate for a cure or a way out... I moved to a new city and been living there since then.
A lot of things happened during those years. I dated some men, made new friends, got married, had a child, changed job a few times... and now divorced.
The world has been changing. My view of the world and relationship have changed. But one thing doesn't change, which is loneliness. I was lonely during my marriage, lonely among friends. I even felt my energy sucked out when being with them. Slowly, I withdrew myself from most groups of friends. I tried to minimize the time on Facebook and other social sites, so tired of seeing people's brag. I stayed at home a lot, spent time to read books of different kinds, self-help, novels, spirituality, essay, philosophy...
Recently, I realized that I quickly got angry or emotional. My friend therapist said: "You've got to stop reading books, or else you'll fall into depression and then craziness. Stop reading. Empty your brain. Stop thinking until new ideas pop up."
I'm a woman. How can a woman stop thinking? Thinking is in women's nature. Women don't have empty brains moments. Only men can do it, can't they? Only men can sit quietly for hours without any single thought in their heads.
Without reading, I don't know what to do for the days to be over. I swim but I can only swim 1 hour. I go to the supermarket but it's only another hour. I cook but it's also another hour. My place is small and my child now can clean up her toys after playing.
So... now I'm back here with my loneliness and many empty hours during the days. Each day, I remind myself dozens of times: Stop thinking! Stop thinking! Stop thinking!
Wish you all the best !
Replies
Welcome back, I don't know if I knew you back when you were on here.
I find that reading actually stops all my thinking. I need to read to calm myself down and get into someone else's life to stop fretting about my own. We started a little bookclub on here a few months ago if you want to join. I love to read things that make me think. I love to consider new ideas. But this can be a cultural difference.
I understand about loneliness. Here in the US, so many people have become crazy and mean over politics. We are so divided. I go through loneliness myself. I've lost some friends because they were so politically hostile.
I think we need purpose in our lives and I am in a transition time in between purpose. Perhaps you are simply in a transition time. Consider this as not forever like I have to tell myself.
Think about what gives you purpose and some joy. I am not doing much right now for purpose in life. I cut out a lot of my social ties and groups this past Spring when I realized it wasn't helping me but dragging me down. I stopped doing several things that were not feeding my soul and I actually feel good about that. I used to play with my kids a lot, my daughters liked to do arts and crafts, my son hated them. I am trying to sometimes do some drawing, I am terrible at it but I use watercolors. Very childish looking but it is something new.
I find Facebook to be depressing. I am only on a few groups, one is a medical group. It is all fake on FB. I agreed to be a moderator on a health oriented FB page just to have a small purpose. I do no other social media.
This is a good place to write out your feelings. It has gotten slower and smaller group of participants but well, most are so very kind and nice on here. I sent you a friend request. I have not done a journal in a while because I am going through a silent, quiet time.
Thank you Hasty!
Yes, I think writing about our feelings helps to let go a bit of sadness. Then sometimes we just want to be quiet. New things like drawing can distract us from thinking. I try to do little things from time to time, like cooking something new, sewing...
Someone says that healing and awakening can be a lonely journey because we become different from the people we usually hang out with, even the therapist can't understand. So I confide my feelings on here. That helps.
Can you share the link of the bookclub. I still like books a lot. Many thanks.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/daily-strength-bookclub