Baby Hope\'s due date is today

I didn't think about it too much today - just tonight, when DH and I went outside to put the flowers I got in July after my D&C in the snow.  They have actually been sitting, dried, in the vase they came in since then.  (I did take a picture of them with her ultrasound picture before we went outside.  Although it seems morbid, I feel like I need to keep some remembrance of her, and that's all I really have.)  Then I laid the whole dried bouquet in the snow, between 2 bushes, right behind the family room, and we lit a candle and it is now burning out there on the windowsill.  It is quiet outside and very cold (1 degree in Michigan right now) and somehow it seems very peaceful and pretty.  Of course I haven't been able to stop crying yet - I told her that I love her and that I will always be her mommy.  And so that's the end of it I guess - the day has come and gone, and I know that I will survive - with my cycle still messed up, and ttc not working at all.  Hopefully things will get better soon.  All I know is that I will always love her, and I hope that someday I will have some understanding of why this happened.