Baby Aidan Andrew

Received a phone call from my daughter this morning. The doctors have put Aidan Andrew into a coma. The leaks have not improved in his little heart and are flooding his lungs. My daughter is in a meeting with the doctors as I write. I had her in a hotel across the street so she is able to get there quickly, the hospital offered her a room at the Ronald McDonald House. The shutte just picked her up. It didn't give me enough time to get there, I'm 70 miles away. They are going to take him back into sugery maybe as early as tomorrow to try and repair the leak, something that they were hoping they wouldn't have to do until he was older. They had told her a little about it last night. said that if he continues the way he is that his organs will start failing. Plainly, he is in heart failure at this point. There is a huge chance that he will not survive this second surgery. They are going back in to repair something they couldn't repair to start out with. It's now all in God's hands, so I have been able to put the burden on him and trust that whatever happens that's what is meant to be. I took a day off from the world yesterday. Went out to the country and mountains. Just beautiful!! Had some wondeful company, a nice picnic lunch, and chased the dogs everywhere. It was good for me, helped me unwind and relax a bit so that I can get myself together. I've just been running around on little sleep, to many cigarettes, and way to much alcohol, and not eating. Stress, and to much of it. I don't normally do the stress thing, but this time it has gotten way from me. I just don't know how to deal with all of this. Emotions just flow at will. Today I am giving my body a break from all my self destuctive ways. I had quit smoking months ago, and rarely ever touched alcohol until my husband passed. Seems I have turned into a bit of a lush. So no more boozing it up, and the cigarettes need to go as well. I'm tired of smelling like an ashtray. I was just going to hang out in bed watching movies and just relaxing, but a friend invited me out for lunch, so I figured I would be hungry by then, maybe. I haven't been in hungry mode for the past couple of weeks. I more like force feed myself to eat at least once a day. Not like me at all, I love food. I will be going to wrok and then over to the hospital afterwards. I try to spend ass much time as I can with my daughter and grandson. She has her partner that spends most of the time with her so they are rarely alone.