awww Monday

I really don't care much for Monday's, I feel lonely when Leo goes to work, Hunter is off to school.  It's just me and Logan today.  He is busy playing and watching cartoons.  I am in the kitchen making home made baked beans from the ground up later I will make homemade bread.  I am doing lots to try to keep myself busy, my head busy to keep thoughts of my troubles, and of my mother at away,  Thought it's not working.  Trying to cut down on the smoking too, that isn't working either.  When I feel sad, lonely and depressed I want to smoke more.  Aww horrible cycle.  Also trying to give up one destructive habit, no self negative talk today.  No putting myself down today....give me strength...well at least Leo will be home at lunch time.  So i should go shower and get dressed.  Then I am going to do one nice thing for myself today, try to get the spirits up just not sure what it is yet...