Awkward

Today I had to call Heather to ask her what vets place the cat was at.  She told me not to worry about it because she was going to take care of it.  She said that I was right and she should be asking me to do stuff because we are seperated.   That was really wierd.  It was also awkward.  I expected her to be pissed but she wasn't.  I expected that she would do something back to me and she didn't.   I did tell her that I was around and she should call me when she is ready to do something together.  She said okay.  THere was an awkward pause over the line.  There are still things left unsaid between us. She did tell me that she ran into a good friend of mine in the store.  The friend told her that he was praying for use.  I told her a lot of my friends and family are praying for use to get back together.  She said that was nice but said no more. I almost get the feeling that Heather is just going along and waiting for me to move on and divorce her so she doesn't feel bad about starting the process.  Maybe I am wrong, but I just can't understand this space thing.  Either you are going to work on things or you aren't.  I would like to know so I can figure out how to proceed.  Okay, here is a sad fact that I am sure of.  I am over her.  It isn't that I don't feel for her because I do and I will always have feelings there.  What I mean by being over her is that I know that I can move on with my life and I will be fine.   I am fustrated by the way she is just stalling things, in my opinion.  I would like to be able to prepare my life and get things in order the way I want them.  If I knew that there was no way things would work out I would start looking for a place to rent up here.  I can't sponge off of my friends and family forever (I am not that type of person).  I have always been self-sufficient, contray to what my wife thought.   For better or for worse I have always been a man of action.  I don't sit back and watch things, I cause them to happen.  It is probably a product of my job that I am like this because I always have to make quick decisions and act.  This isn't about control or not having control, because control is nothing more than an illusion anyways.  If you ever think that you have control over something of someone then watch what happens when a bump in the road comes along and it breaks down.  I just want things to happen and I want them to happen now, one way or another.  Make up your mind and stick by your decision (I never have the benefit of being able to change my mind once a decision has been made in the real world).   It is like playing chess....Once you take your hand off of the piece that is your move and you have to stick with it.  How long can she keep her finger on the piece before she decides to make her move? Everytime I have asked her if we are going to work on things she says I don't know.  Why is that?  Why can't you make up your mind?  There is a lot at steak here but when you are playing games of high steaks you can't take forever to make a decison (that is why it is called gambling).   A lot of people look at time as something that we have a lot of.  That is a falsehood.  We could be gone tomorrow.  You can walk out of your house and be shot by a stray bullet.  A plane could fall from the sky and land on your house.  After having my heartattack I figured out that there is no time like the present.  I like to make plans but I also know that it is best not to put off until tomorrow what you can do today.  Carpe Diem, seize the day.  That statement is so true. I guess that I am rambling about my fustrations.  How long is too long?  When do you make other people's mind for them?  Those questions are hard ones to answer but I can tell you this, I may have not made the decision to seperate, but I can make the decision on how long to tag along on this ride.  I said it yesterday.....I have the mainsail cover off, I have unplugged the shore power, I am making ready to toss the docklines.  Best get on if you are going to get on because if you aren't on soon, I will leave you standing on the dock looking at my transom as I sail away.