Awful Weekend

What a miserable weekend.  My middle son moved out last Wednesday and I have been trying to deal with the emotions from that and get his room cleaned up so relatives coming on Wednesday can stay in it.
He moved his new bed in and didn't take any of his stuff.  We finished putting the bed in his apartment and I asked him if he was coming home and he said no.  I asked if he had clothes and he said yes.  No shampoo, bathroom stuff, no pillows for the bed, but he was staying.  What was I to do.  Didn't even know the night before was the last time I would kiss him good night before bedtime, but I smiled and got in my car with my heart just breaking.
I had a horrible allergy attack to something on Wed so fought that all weekend which didn't help any of this.  Friday I was off so spent half the day in his room, cleaning and packing.  He swung by after work on Friday to grab some clothes.  Said he had to hurry as Debrae was making supper.  I showed him all the boxes I had packed for him.  He took 4 of them and seemed pleased he didn't have to do it.
Sunday we were picking him up for a family dinner at my oldest son's girlfriend's house.  We loaded up the car with all the boxes he didn't take.  Showed up at his house 15 minutes early and he went into a fit.  So angry for us to be showing up early and all the boxes he didn't like us bringing his stuff over.  He stomped all over and said he shouldn't go to the dinner.  Um only the second time meeting the girlfriend's parents and wasn't showing up with out them.  Finally calmed down enough to leave, but not speaking to me.  Survived the dinner and took them home, but the next day they showed up at our house to go to a movie and still not speaking to me really.  Wouldn't hug me and left the room if I came near him.
Girlfriend there to go to the movie too so put up with it in front of her.  Well middle son's fiancé texts me he feels like I am kicking him out of the house by bringing him boxes of stuff and packing his things.  Umm not my idea for him to move out before the wedding...granted would be going in a month, but he is the one with the idea to get an apartment and go.  He I guess did not intend to move out.  Supposedly the night he showed up to grab clothes and hurry home cause she was cooking he intended to stay with us.  Um I don't think so as he never said anything but just stopping by quick on his way home. 
Ruined the movie for me.  Then found out girlfriend of oldest was staying for dinner and after so no time alone to confront middle son about his attitude.  So decided to bring it up right there in the living room with everyone.  Thought we could go talk about it elsewhere, but he wouldn't leave.  Guess he decided if we were going to have it out then it was going to be public.  Oldest and his girlfriend got up and went outside as it got worse.  So embarrassed.  I do not fight in public, but couldn't get him alone.  Fiance, youngest and husband stayed in room, joy, wish they had gone too.  Had it all out and cried and got back on even keel, but do not know what oldest thought.  He has been so much better with middle son, when he first moved out refused to come home as couldn't stand to be around him.  Since girlfriend came middle son has been putting on a public nice face with her and been behaving around oldest son.  Don't know if I completely blew that.
Just so upset over the whole thing.  Feel like I fixed one problem, but may have made another.  Sent apologies to both girlfriend and oldest son this morning.  Girlfriend immediately says it is ok, but what else would she say.   Sure wonder what she thinks of us.   Course probably blowing it out of proportion as she may not think anything of it.  It didn't get really bad until they went out of the house. 
I am overly sensitive about fighting in front of people cause my mother witnessed one fight with Zachary and used it as an excuse to move out of the house after my dad died and she had moved in.  She emailed my brothers saying it almost made her feel sick to be around us as we fought every day and the tension in our house was terrible.  Well only had one fight in the 3 months she was with us, as everyone on their company manners, but what she said was true how it normally was before she came. 
I never invited people over to dinner or went to others houses as was embarrassed by all the hostility and fighting.  She didn't see it, it was a lie, but it had such a piece of truth about my life in it and then when my oldest decided he couldn't stand the middle after she left I knew he saw it too.  I can't look at my life anymore without seeing how destroyed my family really is and that we have this fake happy thing we show others, but can't always hold without it cracking like yesterday.  Just have completely failed as a parent handling an ADHD child.
Doesn't help that my mother is coming on Wed to stay for a couple days.  I don't want to see her.  She is a vacant shell of a person since my dad died.  It is so hard to be around her and not cry all the time for the mother I have lost.  I know that this week is just going to get worse not better.  I have a horrible headache this morning just from all the stress and I want to go back to bed and have to work today.