Awful Weekend !!!!

This Weekend was the Worst One I've had in awhile. It was even so bad at One Point that it even reminded Me of how things were between My Bf and I when We first got Together back in 2004. You'll have to Trust Me when I say that Things were Very Bad back Then - even A BIT WORSE in Some Ways than Now - without Me going into ALL of the Details. I'll just say that EVERY DAY was pretty much MISERY with Him then, because it was BEFORE I completely realized that IF I wanted ANY Peace with Him at all then I COULD NOT voice My Opinions about Things - ( ESPECIALLY IF MY OPINION DIFFERED FROM HIS ), and I could NEVER stand up for My Personal RIGHTS - ( for what was FAIR ) ! Back then I mistakenly assumed He was a " reasonable " Person that would feel the same as Me about Equality in a Relationship ! HAHAHAHA ! I was so BLIND ! Anyways... This Weekend was TERRIBLE ! Saturday Night was the Very Worst Part of it, and it continued BAD from there.Late Saturday Night We were sitting at the Dinning Room table playing a couple of Board Games, and Everything was So-So for the Most Part at First. It was when We ended One Board Game, and He walked over to My Side of the Table to reach around Me to a small Table at the side that We have the Board Games sitting on, to reach for a couple of Markers - or Something - on it. He SHOULD HAVE asked Me to scoot Myself OVER some to give Him more room to get to the Table, BUT HE DIDN'T..... and the Result was that He STUBBED HIS FOOT ON THE LEGS OF THE CHAIR I WAS SITTING ON !!!!! AS SOON AS THIS HAPPENED... HE SLAMMED THE CHAIR THAT WAS NEARBY - IN FRONT OF THE KITCHEN SINK - AWAY... AND THEN HE REACHED OUT, AND HALF SLAPPED - HALF PUNCHED - ME ON MY UPPER LEFT THIGH AREA.... AND THEN HE PUNCHED ME ON MY LOWER BACK AREA WITH A BALLED-UP FIST ... HARD !!!!! I HAD SCREAMED JUST ONCE FOR THE HIT ON MY THIGH, AND ONCE LOUDLY FOR THE HARD HIT ON MY LOWER BACK, BUT THEN I JUST SAT THERE FROZEN...BUT ALSO SHAKING, TREMBLING, AND SOBBING !!!!! I was TERRIFIED that He would HIT ME AGAIN !!!! I didn't know what to do ! I just sat as still as I could, and kept My Eyes on Him as much as I could.I was so scared that IF I dared NOT watch Him for even a MOMENT, that He would take advantage of that, sneak up, and HIT ME AGAIN !I KNOW that I should have called the COPS on Him ! He would have deserved to go to Jail, I know this. BUT.. YOU TELL ME.... HOW DO YOU CALL THE COPS ON SOMEONE WHEN YOU'RE TERRIFIED THAT IF YOU EVEN GO NEAR A PHONE AT THAT MOMENT, THAT THEY WILL PROBABLY HIT YOU AGAIN ???? OR MAYBE EVEN WORSE ????!!! I'm SURE that's why it seemed like He wasn't letting ME out of HIS SIGHT either !I'm positive He was afraid that IF He turned His attention away from Me for a moment, that I would call the COPS on Him !It's funny how You BLOCK some Bad Memories out sometimes. I can't remember IF He eventually went for a Walk that Night to calm down, or not. I don't think He did... I'm just not sure. EVEN IF He had, I still would have been scared about Calling the COPS, because WHAT IF I had Called Them... then They came Over, and He was still OUT ?! WHAT THEN ???? Because IF that had happened, and then He found out that I had called the COPS on Him, then I could be SURE that He would have HIT ME for doing that ! Eventually, anyways.... He did " calm down ". BUT, as You can imagine there was NO APOLOGY to be found in the STUPID THINGS He had to say to Me ! IF ANYTHING, He actually had the NERVE to come up with a lame excuse for it ! He stated to Me that... " Remember, I told You that Last Time I stubbed My Foot on that Chair - that You were sitting on at the Table - that IF it EVER HAPPENED AGAIN, THAT I WOULD BEAT YOU FOR IT ! "CAN YOU BELIEVE HE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY THIS AS IF IT WAS A LOGICAL EXCUSE ?????!!!!!There were plenty more RUDE, AND CRUEL things coming out of His Mouth at Me afterwards - practically for the Rest of the Night it seemed.BUT... the BIG DIFFERENCE about " THIS TIME " was that instead of simply staying pretty quiet about what He had done to Me, I spoke up once I was sure He was completely calmed down ! He didn't like it... BUT HITTING MY BACK HARD like He did was TOO MUCH !... I TOLD HIM... I'M SICK, AND TIRED, OF BEING YOUR PUNCHING BAG EVERY TIME YOU GET PISSED OFF AT THE LEAST LITTLE THING !!!! I ALSO TOLD HIM THAT IT'S NOT RIGHT OF HIM TO TAKE OUT HIS FRUSTRATIONS ABOUT ' OTHER THINGS ' ON ME BY HITTING ME... I TOLD HIM I WANT IT TO STOP.. NOW !!!!... I DON'T WANT TO BE HURT EVER AGAIN BY YOU !.... I'm TIRED OF BEING SCARED OF YOUR ANGER !!!!! He didn't like hearing ANY of this, of course. IN FACT His Reply to it all was a BUNCH OF STUPID EXCUSES... AS USUAL ! His Main Bunch of EXCUSES was to say that He's FRUSTRATED over some Unfortunate Things that have happened to Him Lately when He's been OUT for a Walk, OR Out riding His Bicycle ! When I told HIM that it's NOT right for Him to TAKE OUT HIS FRUSTRATIONS ABOUT THOSE THINGS ON ME... HE SAID.. " WELL, WHERE'S MY JUSTICE ! THE COPS NEVER DO THEIR DAMN JOB ! "Funny He should say that, when all I could Think of - in My Mind - was IF You REALLY want the COPS to do Their Job, then YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL !I don't know what to do... I'm so sick of it. It's Monday now, and MY BACK STILL HURTS ! I can feel the Pain where He Hit My Back whenever I take a Deep Breath ! THIS IS MY APARTMENT, though... SO THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO LEAVE ! I'm NOT going to TRUST HIM by HIMSELF in here ! The Minute I left, He could possibly start DESTROYING ALL OF MY THINGS ! He's destroyed enough of My Things in the Past, because of His RAGE ! I think He's got a Woman that He's been FLIRTING A LOT with Lately, anyway.I'm so sick of HIS RAGE that I'm practically HOPING that He'll LEAVE ME FOR HER... AND SOON.. I HOPE ! I found out Today that She sent Him an XXX-Rated Story of some SEX Dream She had about the Two of Them, and He Messaged Her back saying that He would LOVE to FU*K HER HARD !!!!! PLUS.. in Another Message He THANKED HER for sending Him a Couple of NAKED PICS OF HERSELF !!!! She BARELY KNOWS HIM !!!! WHAT A STUPID SLUT !!!! As far as I'm concerned it would serve Her RIGHT IF She ends up with Him ! She'll find out what He's TRULY LIKE as soon as They spend any REAL TIME Together ! As soon as SHE doesn't do ONE LITTLE THING the EXACT WAY He wants Her to do it.... THEN SHE'LL SEE WHAT HE'S REALLY LIKE !!!! I thought for a moment about Warning Her about Him.... BUT I know that would ONLY BACKFIRE on Me BIG TIME ! She would DEFINITELY tell Him about My Message right away, and He'd probably end up Hurting Me because of it ! BESIDES... AS MUCH AS IT STILL HURTS that He's BETRAYING ME... I know I've got to REMEMBER that He's NOT WORTH FIGHTING FOR ! WHY SHOULD I FIGHT TO KEEP A GUY THAT WOULD HURT ME THE WAY HE DOES ?! I don't know why I would even consider it for even a Moment ! He's BROKEN MY HEART so MANY TIMES it SHOULD BE NUMB BY NOW, I would think... at least You'd think it would be !