Autumn + ED

So I messaged Autumn and I apoligized for the things I said. I apoligized hoping that is would help me get in a better spot but she somewhat forgave me. She said she forgives me for wording this wrong but she said she doesnt forgive me for talking bad abt her to McKenna. I asked her what I said because I havent been able to remember much lately since I havent really been eating. So told me to go get food from the kitchen and I told her it wasnt that easy, and that I have lost 13lbs. 

She told me that I need to get help. I think she has gone through this too because how quickly she knew what to say. She told me to find food that my body will let me eat (called safe foods) and then she told me to get a therapist. I think I am gonna talk to the school counselar one day. Idk I want to meet up with her a couple times a week but idk if thats possible. 

Autumn said if this ED doesnt get in check then it can get really bad to the point of hospitalization. She said that I need to get help asap before it gets really bad. 

I want to get better, and I am trying. Today I made some ramen but I only ate a couple bites before I couldnt anymore. Then I ate a little bit at dinner. I might eat some goldfish tonight or something like I did yesterday.