August 28, 2009

Truth time.  I am feeling REALLY bad and am tired of putting on "the face", not sure how much longer I can.  I am exhausted. I HURT in many new places:shoulders elbows, both feet, not just the toes that used to be the worst.  I am having migraines more frequently.  A few weeks ago I developed a periodic tremor, AGAIN.  I am having visual disturbances and pretty strong eye pain.  My eyes are dry, except when I'm crying.  I am HOT all of the time-is it possible it could be related to RA or could I be menopausal at 40 (fine with me, I have all the children I want and want all the children I have ). I itch. I am having back and neck pain and muscle spasms in my calfs and back. I admit I don't take the pain meds regularly because I HATE taking them.  Difficulty sleeping.  Working WAAAY too hard. Hubby wants me to slow down.  May have to take some FMLA time or maybe Short term disability.  Walking with a cane stinks!  Having to explain why you are walking with a cane REALLY stinks.  Cane hurts my hand, too vain for a walker.Memory gone.  Feel like my brain is shutting down.  Is this brain "fog". I am a minister, I can't be depressed, RIGHt?!!! Can't afford aqua therapy and holistic medicine, can't afford not to have it.Extremely stressful week!  Stomach burning BIG flare, I think.  I feel worse, does that mean flare?  How can I tell if there is more disease activity.  If I don't take it easy, I'm afraid I won't be able to function. God help me.  Oh Lordy, I'm only 40.