August 2010

 I woke this morning with thoughts of Jeff after transplant and the stupid resident that didn't bother to call me when my son slipped into a coma. I woke that night with chest pain from a dream of Jeff calling me over and over untill I woke up. I called the hospital to see how Jeff was and was told to get there quickly. I wonder if anyone ever would have called me.    When we got to the hospital we were told that it was time to let Jeff go. He was given two of the three meds that they give at that time. About that time the surgeon came in like a storm. He wanted to know who told me my son was dead, He was not. Who told me there was no hope, there was. He then took Jeff back into surgery for the fifth time in 3 1/2 weeks to open his chest yet again and put the heart pump back on him, giving us so much hope that my beautiful son would live.   He did not. About 20 hours later the surgeon called me at the hospital and told me that it was now time to let go. I could hear children laughing in the background. I'm assuming they were his. How can life go on for other people when my heart is so broken?

Replies

biowoman
biowoman

It is OUR world that has been shattered. Others still live in their world...and it is too hard to visit OUR world...so they go on. I would too if I could. Love to you friend...Karen
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so sorry.. Hugs to you. Wendy
NellW
NellW

You have been thru so much. It is so hard to understand how life can go on and how insensitive people can be. I am so sorry. Your Jeff went thru so much. Love and hugs to you....Nell
JerryJsMom
JerryJsMom

It was pretty insensitive of the surgeon to call you with that kind of noise in the background. Like you, it would be something that would always be in the back of my mind. Life will never been what it once was. WE will never be who we once were. One day I hope to feel like I belong in this world again. Wishing you peace tonight. *Hug* Adrianne
Robin4
Robin4

I remember thinking that same thing. How does life go on when my remains forever changed and in darkness? Slowly we emerge out of that darkness and learn to participate in life again. Praying your heart will feel joy again. Love to ou. Robin
deleted_user
deleted_user

{{{hugs}}} i love you!
KimRW
KimRW

Colleen, it is so hard and heartbreaking when these thoughts continue to come into our minds. It\'s amazing how Jeff got thru to you that night in a dream by calling you until you woke up and called the hospital. It is so hard sometimes to watch life continue on around us as if no one understands or realizes how our life had changed. Hugging you and hoping you have a better day today. Love, Kim
deleted_user
deleted_user

It\'s hard to understand but life does go on and it\'s only those immediate people who are affected. I had the worst time with that. I just couldn\'t understand and still don\'t but I\'ve let it go. Wishing you a better tomorrow. Love and hugs Cathy
BinkyH
BinkyH

I am here with you. Many of us are and understand. Love, B