Augh, I hate everything

I've come to realize that I hate everything these days. I hate my dad 'cause he's a pussy and won't get the fuck over himself. I hate my dad for fucking up the family, I hate my mom for letting it happen, I hate both of their lovers for screwing with the way I've always known life. I hate school because there are so many idiots, I hate the idiots because they could learn if they tried, I hate my math teacher because he treats us all like idiots. I hate my best friend for trying to help me, I hate my razor blade for being my only release, I hate myself for allowing myself to fuck myself up so much. I hate Christmas because it's not the same anymore, I hate the presents from my parents' lovers because they are not close to me, I hate the way the Christmas season works. I have so much anger coursing through my veins. Sometimes it's overpowered briefly by fear or overbearing sadness, but it's always, always there, and I'm sick of it. I wasn't like this. I wasn't a hateful, spiteful kid with a cheery outer shell. For a time I was a depressed, mopey kid with a cheery outer shell, but before that, when things were good, I was cheery all through and nothing could change that. I miss it. I want it back. I hate (there I go again with my hate) all the hate I feel toward everything. I want to go back to my hippie-ish ways of loving everyone, and I simply have no idea how to get there.