Attitudes

4 months ago my daughter-in-law Nikki asked me to move into their home with them and 2 months ago my son told me he and Nikki do not want me to move until the earliest next spring. I never asked for any of this, am very grateful for it, yet I am now questioning my decision. 

On Saturday evening 2 13 yr old friends of Logans came to spend the night. No big deal right? Wrong! They were show off smart mouth bullies, especially to Josh. Now mind you one of the is 6 ft tall and the other has a mustache! The tall one decided he wanted to wrestle Josh who is just 5ft tall 90lbs. He put him in a choke hold and also hit him very hard just above and off to the left of his hard, left a mark. Josh was crying and came running to me because he didn't want to cause trouble. He was having a rough time breathing because of both things happening. Enough so I felt Joey and Nikki needed to step in. They look at Josh and said your fine suck it up, then went to the stairs and just hollered to settle it down abit. The kids were very loud until finally at midnight they sent Brooke to bed and told the boys it was time to quiet down as they wanted to go to sleep. Thankfully they listened. I fell asleep a little after 1 and at 3:30 I was in the bathroom with my IBS-D acting up. I was in the bathroom every 30 to 45 minutes until 10am. Needless to say I stayed in my room and slept as much as was possible as they were outside most of the time. They took the boys with Logan to meet 1 of the moms at 3 and came back without Logan. He went to one of the boys for the night. 

Ok Josh is  not allowed to play on the play station because according to his parents he gets angry.  When the boys were here they were all on their phones and Brooke got to play on one of their tablets so I let Josh use mine. All was good until Joey and Nikki got back and Brooke as usual wanted what Josh had so she started begging and whining until Nikki told Josh to give it to her. I let it be until dinner was almost ready. I walked up to the table and looked at Brooke and in a nice voice asked what she was doing. She told me and I said you know that is mine did you ask me? Nikki turned and yelled take your damn tablet and Joshua is not allowed on it EVER. I was shocked. She told Brooke give her the damn thing. So I took stood there wondering what just happened then walked back to my room. Joey's  door was open and he was laying there watching the game and I just said " do I need to find a new place to live?"  His response oh good grief mom and I said I will not be disrespected like that from anyone. He then tells me he heard the whole thing from the bathtub and more or less called me a liar. I am still pissed. I did not go out and eat until then were done either. Petty I know.

The beginning of November they asked me to loan them some money for a water system because their well water was so bad plus they needed to get a bobcat but could not finance both items through the bank. Said we would write up a contract, 2 copies, and they would pay a minimum of 300 a month either on the 1st or the 20th depending on what bills were due. Well no contract has been written yet. So I decided to write the contract. I went and sat at the table and wrote one. Didn't like so was starting a new one. Joey had seen me writing the first one and said how many are you writing. Told him didn't like the first one he asked why so I had gim read it and he goes I won't sign it. Needless to say tempers, more theirs than mine flared and then Nikki rolled her eyes at me and I lost mine. I said don't you dare roll your eyes at me Nicole. I am not stupid or losing my mind. I feel invisible here. She goes well you never come out of your room. I called bullshit I am out here before you get home and sit at this table not being spoken to while you 2 play rummy every night. And if I am in my room my door is open unless I am sleeping or do not feel good. Things just kept flying and I said maybe I should move out and she said go for it. I then said nope I won't I finally am getting my family back and won't lose it again over stupidity looking straight at Nikki, she knew exactly what I meant because she is the one who caused the fight between my boys. Joey starts to walk away and I said omg you can not even carry on a conversation and work out  disagreement you have to walk away. I need a cigarette to calm down before you make me any madder. I said ME? I am just trying to follow through on what you told me would be done. Then he said it hadn't even been a month yet and my response was Wednesday is December 1st. He then let's me know that  they couldn't pay me on the 1st because they were in the hole already. Then he turns to walk out and I said forget it I should have known better. Not another word was said. They got home from work Monday and he puts a wad of twentys on the arm of the chair I was sitting in doesn't say anything then goes to take care of the animals. I thought about it for awhile and decided not to keep it put it on their dresser. She made a stupid dinner and went back to her bedroom and cleaned the kids and I ate asked Joey why they weren't eating he goes we had subway for lunch and were not hungry. I then to him about the money he tried half heartedly to argue with me but I knew he was thankful I did it.

Now I know my emotions are running high with all the deaths and not seeing Jono and Aydan much. Plus Nikkis dad has been in the hospital with covid and it was touch and go there but he may be home now by the weekend. That does not excuse any of us. She has not said a single word to me since Sunday nor looked at me. Childish but typical because she can never admit when she is wrong. Joey is talking to me and he heard me when I told him their kids need them to help with homework and just be there for them the 2 hours they have on school nights. He has stayed around and helped them while she more or less avoids us all. 

Monday I had Brooke and Josh home since they don't have school on Mondays. Brooke broke out crying because her mom yelled at me. Even an 8 year old knew her mom was way off base in how she treated me and Brooke felt it was her fault and that I hated her for it. I looked at her and said" Brooke you are my only granddaughter and I never had a daughter so you are my girl. I could never hate you. I may not like your attitude sometimes but I will always always love you. " 

So I am trying to be the better person with a broken heart right now. I am keeping it to myself that's why I am here right now to get it out.

Hopefully soon this sadness will subside. And Nikki will get off her high horse and things will get better. That is my prayer.