Attitude beats SWANK

OK my dearest peeps.....as you know from last journal entry, I was going to a conference with two women and this joint was beyond swank.  I mean, the room for 1 nite...$317.  DEAR   LANDS!  Of course we did have someone to tote our belongings to our room (oooooo) and the room had a beautiful view, very sceinic with the lake, deer, etc.  I told the other 2 ladies when they commented how beautiful, "Yep, would be perfect for a psych ward.  All calm and peaceful like this and a coloring book and I don't need to stay in the lines."  No, they had no reply. ROFLOL Next, off to the conference.  So we all to the name giving, hand shaking, smiling thingy and find our seats to LEARN.  So we are munching on our celery sticks, broccoli, cauliflower & dip.  They had lots of this as appetizers to go with the wine (no thanks), beer (no thanks), and cheeses.  Break for supper.  Go get on transportation provided by hotel to ride to top of the mountain to SUPER swank resturant.  I ordered 1/2 chicken figuring it would be a half chicken breast cooked with rosemary & lemon, mashed potatoes & carrots. PEOPLE, THEY BROUGHT OUT AN ENTIRE HALF CHICKEN WITHOUT THE HEAD!  ALL OTHER PARTS OF HALF CHICKEN ARE ON MY PLATE!  They have intelligently included a butcher knife to carve this thing with and I have NO CLUE WHERE TO START.  All I can see in my mind is this bird sailing across this SUPER swank resturant because I am trying to hack it to pieces.  I can't use my hands as we are SUPER SWANK.  So, I eat the potatoes first, trying to buy time on what the heck to do with this freaking monster chicken I've been served.  IDEA!  I will just carve it like I do my turkey at Thanksgiving, as it is only SLIGHTLY smaller.  It works.  No, I do not eat the entire thing as it was large enough to ship to the starving people in AFRICA! Finally, we get back onto transportation and return to Swank Hotel and get ready to go to bed.Now anyone who has had biology, physiology, or just plain eaten the above, you know that it creates......how shall I say.....internal combustion issues.   Nite time.....finally, and back to sleep at the $317 per nite room.  Now, call me weird, but I noticed in this totally swank up-scale hotel, there is NO EXHAUST FAN IN THE BATHROOM and my "INTERNAL COMBUSTION ISSUES" are wanting to express their opinion.  So, I did what any considerate roomie would do in a swank hotel.....crossed my legs hard and hoped nature would understand there's a time and a place but this sure wasn't it!    Now, at $317 a nite, they can't afford an exhaust fan in the bathroom?????    OK, survive "ICI" (Internal Combustion Issues) and goto bed to sleep.  No, I did not sleep.  I was awake every little bit because you know how FM is.  So, I am so filled with gas that both Obama & McCain are seeking for me as the "new energy source" and pain. Both bad combos. Awake at 5:30 am and sneek to foyer of room to do Daily Bible Study.  ICI has settled down, thank God, and I am quiet as is roomie.  Just reading my Bible and studying. Time to wake roomie 6:12 AM per her request.  Coffee is brewed, crap,  I can only have one cup because it only makes 2 cups.  Again, a swank hotel and 2 cups of coffee?  SHEEZ! Off to breakfast and more meet, smile, shake hands, etc. then to the next conference.  Now, this was a situation just made for me to be me.  ROFLOL  They decide to hand a mic to each person so that they could introduce themselves, the organization they were with, and what they hoped to learn/get from this conference.  Everyone gives the usual blada blada and I am in the middle of this roomful of people and now, peeps, it's my turn.   I'd had all I could handle with the ICI issues, the half chicken, no exhaust in bathroom, 1 cup of coffee in room that I could deal with.  I take the mic, I introduce myself, my organization, and then I let them have it......."The reason I am here is TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"  Everyone finally loosens up and loses it laughing.  After me, Kim, who is a Big To Do, states "I had breakfast with her, and I assure you, she is here to take over the world."  More laughing. So, no, none of the Big To Do's will forget my name or organization anytime soon.  But at $317. hey, they needed something memorable, yes?  ROFLOL TA-DA  Swank can't take attitude cause ATTITUDE PACKED AND LOADED will win every time! ROFLOL Hugs