Attempting to save the world.
WTH. I didn't even realize I was doing it.... well, ok, not quite true. I realized I was doing it the more and more it drained me emotionally. Yesterday it was defending the right to gay marriage (no, I'm not gay).... I know, I know.... the whole 'bible says' thing (if you read it front to back, every verse, that's not what it means - I come from a religious family and have read it 5 TIMES)... ANYWAYS, someone very dear to me is in a same sex relationship. I've known her all her life. I watched her struggle as a teen with it.... try to be other than she was... watched how much it harmed her.... it was AGONIZING to watch it harm her. When she finally gave in to who she was, I watched her blossom, grow, become beautiful the way she's meant to be. And all I want for her and her partner (who I've known since she was 10 years old) is to give them a CHANCE... a SAFE chance to become what they were meant to be... HAPPY. And the way things are right now, if they come forward any more than they have, they'll be discriminated against, judged, condemned, threatened, even harmed - and worse, by her own family - and worse yet, told it's a sin by clueless people ... 'because the bible says so, ya know,' even though THEY'VE never actually read it themselves.... (SIGH) And so I fight for them when they can't, with them when they can... and yesterday's battle was a doozy...
I'm tired. I got home last night, wanted to take a walk in the forest to recharge my soul but had too many home responsibilities to deal with. So I closed the door, shut the blinds, tried to pretend the world didn't exist and that I didn't feel like I was bleeding. Every part of my emotions hurt. So after my chores were done and the sun disappeared, I watched tv for a while, laughed for a while, cried for a while, crafted for a while, and went to bed.
This morning, I woke up recharged and then it happened again as I ate breakfast in front of the computer. Someone online I knew from high school told me about a situation that made me feel raw. His daughter is entering into an abusive situation just like mine, and he's scared to death. In the beginning, I told him about what happened to me but later had 2nd thoughts. I KNOW, 2nd thoughts about abuse? But this is what keeps going through my head... I KNEW LOVE.... Unconditional love that filled my soul, made me happy beyond ANYTHING except the birth of my child. And I keep thinking... who am I to steal or destroy that for someone? And would I have listened if anyone told me their story? NOPE. And through my life I learned how addiction robs people of themselves and everything around them, how it harms, how it changes them. And I learned how to look for the best qualities in people who don't have addiction issues... understand the pain of those who do. What I should be doing is teaching how to prevent the abuse from beginning in the first place. Teaching boys what's acceptable behavior, how to tell when it's time to get help (counseling), how to communicate with love and respect ALWAYS. And teach girls how to hang onto their self-esteem, strengths, BEING and how to love themselves as much as the other person so when the situation comes, they (boys and girls) STOP it before it begins....
So I deleted my post on it; I've got some thinking to do. Will I stop trying to save the world? Nope, lol, I'm a glutton for punishment. But I will pick my battles better.... and make sure my emotional cup is full before I start pouring things out. I'll keep you posted, lol.
LATER!
I'm tired. I got home last night, wanted to take a walk in the forest to recharge my soul but had too many home responsibilities to deal with. So I closed the door, shut the blinds, tried to pretend the world didn't exist and that I didn't feel like I was bleeding. Every part of my emotions hurt. So after my chores were done and the sun disappeared, I watched tv for a while, laughed for a while, cried for a while, crafted for a while, and went to bed.
This morning, I woke up recharged and then it happened again as I ate breakfast in front of the computer. Someone online I knew from high school told me about a situation that made me feel raw. His daughter is entering into an abusive situation just like mine, and he's scared to death. In the beginning, I told him about what happened to me but later had 2nd thoughts. I KNOW, 2nd thoughts about abuse? But this is what keeps going through my head... I KNEW LOVE.... Unconditional love that filled my soul, made me happy beyond ANYTHING except the birth of my child. And I keep thinking... who am I to steal or destroy that for someone? And would I have listened if anyone told me their story? NOPE. And through my life I learned how addiction robs people of themselves and everything around them, how it harms, how it changes them. And I learned how to look for the best qualities in people who don't have addiction issues... understand the pain of those who do. What I should be doing is teaching how to prevent the abuse from beginning in the first place. Teaching boys what's acceptable behavior, how to tell when it's time to get help (counseling), how to communicate with love and respect ALWAYS. And teach girls how to hang onto their self-esteem, strengths, BEING and how to love themselves as much as the other person so when the situation comes, they (boys and girls) STOP it before it begins....
So I deleted my post on it; I've got some thinking to do. Will I stop trying to save the world? Nope, lol, I'm a glutton for punishment. But I will pick my battles better.... and make sure my emotional cup is full before I start pouring things out. I'll keep you posted, lol.
LATER!
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