Atheist Triggered
I don't know if it is fair to call my father a devout atheist. I donae know that he had a true devotion to anything above his zipper or outside of a beer can, but he often quoted atheist dogma to justify his self-styled "Sex Education" platform. He was quick to pass the offering plate during class-time. He had the studied ability to degrade faith in anything, including self-worth.
I *know* not all atheists would support his education methods, but I still get harsh, enduring and compelling flight urges when an atheist inadvertantly quotes him. Flashbacks, et al, are quite impervious to knowlege. My curiosity isnae objective enough to do the research, but I strongly suspect than there are comparatively few atheists who would support his platform. It wouldnae surprise me much to discover atheists were well represented among the legal eagles who renamed his lofty ideals as, "Child Sex Trafficking."
I miss Andy this morning. He was the only devout, card-carrying atheist who I have ever felt safe discussing this trigger with. Alas, we lost track of each other after we no longer had work to bring us together. I donae even know if he is still alive. Maybe a good day to find out?
Praying, if for no other reason to piss off Daddy.
Replies
My brother is an atheist and friends with a Satanist. Needless to say I don't see or talk to him much, nor do I approve of his lifestyle or the way he raised the child he lost custody of.
Our faith can be shaken many times, we may even ignore it for awhile, but it's always still there waiting for us to come back with forgiveness.
I most often think of both my parents as Isimists. Whatever the Ism they could get their ist on. I call my own religious foundation, "The Schism of The Isms." Between the cracks of the Ismic Divides I found hopes that I sometimes attempt to put into words. Sometimes. . . Interruptions still scare me to silent flight. It is, perhaps, my most frightening psychosis. I've attempted to commune with ismic groups, but. . . My fears always see them united with pitch forks and torches. I haven't found a sustainable solution to this phobia yet.
His walk-in medicine chest was the greatest inheritance my father left. I declined to discover its street value. Have at, my worthy sibs. My mother died in a nursing home., so none of the sibs got to fight over her medicine chest. My father drank, my mother ate and they both had Great Faith in their meds.
The internet says that Andy is still alive. I didn't get as far as finding out if the references were from antiquated links. Internet updates are far from automatic or clearly stated. I find myself wanting to believe the mini-surf so that I can believe he beat the fanatically smoke free lung cancer which causes me to suspect he has died already. Even if I did get far enough to find out what he is up to now, it feels rather pointless. We had lunch a few years back and. . . We definitely needed work to bring us together. I strongly suspect the lunch was as boring for him as it was for me.
Still. . . There is no doubt we were a great design team. I wonder what he would think of my Tinker's Den. Not that his kid allergy would allow him to visit, anyway. Still, it's good to have an atheist it is easy for me to remember. No trauma attached. Not quite exposure therapy, but as close as is available to me today.
I just don't know how you survived it arfie and even turned out to be a colorful entertaining person. Good luck if you decide to track down your friend.
Thank you, Enaid. Validation greatly appreciated.
Seems to me that a significant percentage of the world's great comedians have tragic backgrounds. Laughter really is potent medicine.
So far, I am not feeling too inclined to carry through on tracking down my former co-worker. I cherish the memory of the work we did together. In addition to providing wonderful exposure therapy (professionally guided), he also helped me find ways to cope with the sexism of engineering design and believe in my engineering talents. He is a wonderful and even medicinal memory, but I seriously doubt the unpaid relationship potential. The fellow is so young at heart that he went avant garde on the manly hair dye. Probably still scoring at the local meat markets. Ho hum. Whatever feeds the male enhancement industry.
In some ways it is a bit sad that our personal worlds are not very compatible, but I don't consider it tragic. It makes humanity a more colorful species that we have some diversity. Nothing compared to the rest of nature, but some. . . We at least have a variety of clubs we can join. Am I silly for praying we can quit using club membership as an excuse for MAD? (Mutually Assured Destruction)
I am feeling fairly confident that the trigger event is passing. I don't believe it is much more than aftershocks from the CPS episode. My flashbacks do tend to daisy-chain. Plying extra self-care. Speaking of which, time to check my meatloaf burger.
Gentle hug for you sweetie.... I ditto what enaid wrote....xo
Thank you, SunCloud. A ditto of Enaid's validation feels twice as validating. It is, indeed, a comforting and appreciated validation.