At Odds
Mom and Dad missed their second weekly visit yesterday. The reports are confused and hard to interpret, but the simplicity for the two older siblings is two weeks worth of broken promises from the parental units. The baby is feeling their feelings, too. Gampy and I are wishing we were more suprised and doing our best to filter the disappointment for the children. Am I relieved that the business of filtering childish disappointment has distracted him from the usual detective work he would be doing to disapprove of what his progeny is complicating this time? Dunno. . . Years of Alanon practice have curbed my drive to launch investigations of my own, but a piece of me is still relieved at Hubby's updates. This time around, we haven't a clue and ? ? ? How many clues should we have of middle-aged business? They will either tell us or they won't. ^It^ is not ours to sort.
Works in progress, but I believe we are holding steady. I'm not sure you can hope for more than holding steady while you are processing disappointment. Grump to the lump of the humpety hump. . .
Sigh. . .
Replies
Hugs and support Arfie.
I went through a similar but different situation with my eldest daughter’s father. For the first three years he was a devoted father who insisted on joint custody, so half of every week she spent with him. I’ll never really know not understand what changed but soon he only saw her a few times a month, then that grew and grew to only holidays and birthdays.
Then when she was five we reached the worst years of his absence. At that time I lived three houses away from him and around the corner of the same block. During that time he only saw his daughter 3 times and once was because I had to beg him to watch her. As she got older, the infrequency of time with her father didn’t much improve. Even when she came back to US from Germany for the court ordered summer visitations she would only actually see her father a few times but spent nearly all of that 2-3 month long visit with her grandmother and uncles.
It’s a unsolvable mystery I’ve had to just accept for what it is. The disappointment my daughter has felt most of her life still pulls at my heart. I never did find an adequate explanation to provide her with when she asked why her daddy wasn’t there. My daughter’s and my only consolation has been the permanence and loving devotion of my husband, her step father. My husband immediately became “daddy” and replaced my daughter’s biological father who became known by first name. At least we had that blessing of my husband.
Your GKs are very lucky for the stability you provide in their parents absence. But I feel for you, my friend. The situation tugs just as strongly at my heart strings as what my daughter experienced with her father.
Hugs, love, support and prayers for you, your husband and your GKs, Arfie.
((((Arfie& Hubby, GD's))))
Those inner feelings of 'sad' just have no measurement in the now or in the future. All I can think is that the stability that you've provided has to help, a protective pillow, for their little hearts. Sitting at my computer I visualize you all, well I just think you are frign'n amazing!!!...adding also, I'm a bit jealous of the squiggling baby girgles and smiles....and your energy!!! And...the funny little critters that run about, no doubt with the kids eyes popping out of their heads as they soak in all the wonders of nature that you and hubby are providing.
Arfie, you have the children because of the lack of the parental units being dependable. I would make each expected visit a bit more of a surprise if they show. The lower the expectation, the lower the disappointment. A harm reduction approach. So not fair to the children, but not unexpected. Hugs.
So sad but a common story for some. The children are so lucky you and hubby provide love and security for them.
I sincerely believe this romantic duo wants to be good parents with all their hearts. The fiercity with which the kids miss them testifies to that fact in my heart. Kids know when they are wanted. Alas, they seem want to be Romance Superstars more than they want to be Mom and Dad. Is there room for parenthood in contemporary romance? Dunno. . . I have the romantic inclination of a screwdriver. Family always has been about the kids in Arf World.
Leaving middle age couples to sort their own and keeping the focus on non-judgmental acceptance of the facts. . .
Processing the disappointment with the GKs. . . And life goes on. . .
Agree, your life is in flux, but all are adapting. Children get disappointed; it is the way of life. They also have you and hubby to turn to for consolation. A gift of immeasurable value. Feel free to rant whenever needed. We are all here supporting you and hubby through all these changes. You handle them in a stellar fashion. Hugs.
Hang in their Arfie...those kids are so lucky to have you.
Gentle hug Arf…… You are such a kind and supportive Grandma and Mother..... I'm sorry that you, hubby and the children are being disappointed
You have an incredible attitude and I agree that they are all so blessed to have you..... Another hug and a blessing.....xo