at home

I am home alone my husband does this band thing....he is playing at an unsafe bar tonight...normally i handle everything for him, load all his gear, burn all his cd's get all his merchandise ready.  I told him i didnt want him to play at this bar anymore and there was so much drama over it....i am stressed for so many reasons which has pushed me into a very deep depression....i cant seem to pull it together anymore...i dont even care if i work anymore....i think my marriage is almost over...he just says i am overreacting he has no clue we have no communication skills with each other....all of this has made me so physically ill that i feel like i am actually slowly dying...i am 47 i feel that i am actually going to have a stroke or end up with a heartattack, plus i have gall baldder issues already which has been made unbearable by the stress.  my adult children arent functioning very well i am in no position to take care of anyone else anymore i dont know anymore i guess i am throwing in the towel i am going to finish up  a few more committments that i have to.  then i think i am just going to bed and stay there why bother anymore.....i am sick all the time i am sad all the time...we basically have no health insurance now....after next weekend i am just going to bed i will start calling off work then....and i will sleep for a whole week.....and maybe i will get the grief sadness frustration and exhaustion out of my system and be able to start over....maybe 2 or 3 weeks of sleep....i am exhausted.