at a loss

i am a mess..... one thing after another keeps going wrong and it is like i am frozen when i actually have time to do things....nothing is just simple.....and i am on this horrible emotional roller coaster i know half of it is grief and half is my hormones changing i cant seem to get the hot flashes under control.  and i cant stand my husband right now sometimes he just makes me so mad i dont even know why i am marrieds still(i think the only reason i am is because i cant handle the extra stress of a divorce too right now) and this is the only place i can vent my brain feels like it is splintering in a hundred different directions... right now i cant stop crying and i leave for work in an hour to my only favorite job, my teaching job, that ends in november and then our program is taken over by the college and i will be let go...that class is my only happiness right now and then i only have my other job that i am really starting to hate because of the middle school style drama with my coworkers....i just sometimes wish i could have a week off off of everything off marriage and kids and people somedays i feel that i could just get in my car and leave and never look back and not leave a contact number and just dissappear from the life that i am now and i know that makes me a horrible person i am just at my emotional breaking point if my dad was just still here everything would at least be okay.  i am not any kind of mother or grandmother right now....and my marriage has been crap for awhile.  i just cant emotionally take care of anything in my personal life anymore i am too exhausted  i have had notime to myself since dad died there are always people and a million responsibilities and i can only handle so much and i just keep pushing on but i dont know how.