at a loss
i am a mess..... one thing after another keeps going wrong and it is like i am frozen when i actually have time to do things....nothing is just simple.....and i am on this horrible emotional roller coaster i know half of it is grief and half is my hormones changing i cant seem to get the hot flashes under control. and i cant stand my husband right now sometimes he just makes me so mad i dont even know why i am marrieds still(i think the only reason i am is because i cant handle the extra stress of a divorce too right now) and this is the only place i can vent my brain feels like it is splintering in a hundred different directions... right now i cant stop crying and i leave for work in an hour to my only favorite job, my teaching job, that ends in november and then our program is taken over by the college and i will be let go...that class is my only happiness right now and then i only have my other job that i am really starting to hate because of the middle school style drama with my coworkers....i just sometimes wish i could have a week off off of everything off marriage and kids and people somedays i feel that i could just get in my car and leave and never look back and not leave a contact number and just dissappear from the life that i am now and i know that makes me a horrible person i am just at my emotional breaking point if my dad was just still here everything would at least be okay. i am not any kind of mother or grandmother right now....and my marriage has been crap for awhile. i just cant emotionally take care of anything in my personal life anymore i am too exhausted i have had notime to myself since dad died there are always people and a million responsibilities and i can only handle so much and i just keep pushing on but i dont know how.
Replies
Yes, VENT away. It really does help!!!
The more we share the less pain we have to bear.
Hey, I just came up with that one!!! I love it!!!
Keep sharing and as you do you will not only feel better but solutions will begin to make themselves known to you.
Gentle ((hugs))
:-) Patricia
jat settle down dont make any big disicions for at least a year after a death or major crisis is the normal rule and yes when you have hormonal and grief it makes things alot harder but your husband and kids are in their own grief cycles and they have a double grief cycle because they lost your dad and they see mom or wife going thru all this and they may not know how to help you so that makes them feel helpless maybe you should instead of running away have a sit down discussion of each others feelings about losing your dad and you truely listen to what they are feeling also and maybe your eyes maybe open to realize that you are not alone in your grief and that you may also grow closer to your family instead of wanting to run away besides running away from life dont work because some time you will have to turn around and face it unless you want to run the rest of your life because your troubles will be the things that chases you where ever you go if you are to be let go from your teaching job and you like it so well why not look for another teaching job and quit the one that you dont like and then you can learn to love your work and maybe learn to love yourself again but you can not be pushed in your own grief circle and neither can the rest of your family but they dont know what you need unless you open your mouth and talk about it your dad is in heaven now with your mother and he is happy and wants you to be happy to and you know that about your dad please take care of yourself and if you need a day for your self only you can just let go for a day and take a spa day or a sick day and do something for you and even at work you can take time for you bye thinking possative and telling yourself that you are alright and always give yourself possative affermations instead of negative ones like i can not do this any more say i know i am grieving but i am a beautiful person and i will make my life more loving or something along this line of saying or if you have a computer sign up for a possative afformation or quote a day and they send you possative messages every day it only takes possative things and little baby step thru this time to help you along your way love lauri43