Asking for what I need
I keep trying to focus on what's important. I keep trying to remember the reason I'm doing this. Today has been rough but I have been practicing asking for what I need/want.
Before H left for work I asked him to hold me. We wrapped up in each other and cuddled and kissed for awhile. He offered verbal reassurances, but those don't stretch as far as they used to, and he isn't very good at them. "I love you," doesn't have the same meaning as it used to, especially when he's trying to comfort me. Touch seems to be more effective, though I really don't know why.
I also asked him via text to fill me in on happenings. I said, "It will make today a lot easier on me if you reveal details and offer up information without me having to dig and ask questions." Normally, I would just want him to tell me and be angry when he didn't. Normally, he just wouldn't because he doesn't want to talk about or think about it. (Or because he really doesn't care much.) I also asked him to check in when he got there, at lunch, and when he left.
I won't lie, it was hard. I want him to just KNOW this stuff. It feels like he should just KNOW. But - so far he's done what I've asked. There hasn't been much to tell. He hasn't had to interact with OW today (yet - he will be in a few minutes) as most of his time has been spent sitting around waiting. I've tried to keep myself busy working on my birthday present for him. Today has gone better than the last two weeks of anxiety leading up to today, but I'm still not especially happy.
One thing that did help: I used to occasionally ask H if he'd stay home and not go to work. (Before the A.) Usually he'd make excuses of why he couldn't or get angry at me for asking. Finally, one night he said, "OK. I'll call my boss and let him know I'm not coming in." He wasn't happy about it - in fact he was fairly resigned, but he did say he would stay home. I hugged him and kissed him and told him that's what I needed to hear. So last night when I told him how I didn't want him to work with OW today, he said, "OK. I will turn in my resignation tomorrow instead of going to work." He was resigned, but dead serious. I smothered him with kisses and told him, "That's what I wanted to hear - not because I want you to quit your job but because I need to know you would if that's what I needed."
I don't want to move, but I really do sort of hope he gets promoted so we can GTFO and get away from OW forever.
Or I hope a plane lands on her skanky ass. Whichever.
Tonight we take our kids (and my younger son's new girlfriend) out for dinner. Afterward, I think I'll ask for more cuddling. I just need some skin on skin contact, I think.
Before H left for work I asked him to hold me. We wrapped up in each other and cuddled and kissed for awhile. He offered verbal reassurances, but those don't stretch as far as they used to, and he isn't very good at them. "I love you," doesn't have the same meaning as it used to, especially when he's trying to comfort me. Touch seems to be more effective, though I really don't know why.
I also asked him via text to fill me in on happenings. I said, "It will make today a lot easier on me if you reveal details and offer up information without me having to dig and ask questions." Normally, I would just want him to tell me and be angry when he didn't. Normally, he just wouldn't because he doesn't want to talk about or think about it. (Or because he really doesn't care much.) I also asked him to check in when he got there, at lunch, and when he left.
I won't lie, it was hard. I want him to just KNOW this stuff. It feels like he should just KNOW. But - so far he's done what I've asked. There hasn't been much to tell. He hasn't had to interact with OW today (yet - he will be in a few minutes) as most of his time has been spent sitting around waiting. I've tried to keep myself busy working on my birthday present for him. Today has gone better than the last two weeks of anxiety leading up to today, but I'm still not especially happy.
One thing that did help: I used to occasionally ask H if he'd stay home and not go to work. (Before the A.) Usually he'd make excuses of why he couldn't or get angry at me for asking. Finally, one night he said, "OK. I'll call my boss and let him know I'm not coming in." He wasn't happy about it - in fact he was fairly resigned, but he did say he would stay home. I hugged him and kissed him and told him that's what I needed to hear. So last night when I told him how I didn't want him to work with OW today, he said, "OK. I will turn in my resignation tomorrow instead of going to work." He was resigned, but dead serious. I smothered him with kisses and told him, "That's what I wanted to hear - not because I want you to quit your job but because I need to know you would if that's what I needed."
I don't want to move, but I really do sort of hope he gets promoted so we can GTFO and get away from OW forever.
Or I hope a plane lands on her skanky ass. Whichever.
Tonight we take our kids (and my younger son's new girlfriend) out for dinner. Afterward, I think I'll ask for more cuddling. I just need some skin on skin contact, I think.
Replies
I am well jealous of all that hugging Allora. Haven\'t touched a man in almost 18 months. Actually there was one evening I was at a friend\'s party and I chatted quite a bit to this guy (who I\'m not even attracted to) and at the end of the evening he spontaneously put his big arms around me and gave me a long hug. Aw it felt sooooo good. I kept thinking about it all the next day. Don\'t know why I\'m waffling on about myself on your journal anyway. But yes, the skin-on-skin is wonderful and powerful. You sure miss it when it\'s gone. I hope you\'re doing ok Allora. I know some of these dates are very poignant for you.