Ash Wednesday

I generally get something out of the Ash Wednesday services at School but today I ran out crying because the leader was talking about sacrifice and instead of Christ I was thinking about how my husband sacrificed himself for his family and others. I ran from the gym and some teachers followed me to my room on the third floor. Believe me, ordinarily I am the least dramatic person I know. So I feel like a reaL NUT CASE.
Much as I like my kids I can't wait for work to be done. I am a raving maniac and that is with antidepressants, counseling and grief groups.  I wish I could settle down. I have so many papers to grade tonight, (sigh) Life of a teacher. I'm sure I'll miss the job but I just can't give it what it needs now. 
It  has been raining just about all the time since the ice melted and I know I'll have some maintzanzce on this 1860's doozy this Spring. The spouting, for one thing, looks dreadful. 
I am still doing paper work to finish up the estate and I have a memorial service to plan for May 14.  I had a total of 2 weeks off after J's very sudden death  and that due only to Christmas vacation. Work expects me to just march on . Ha! 
Today I appreciate:
my dogs
my loud teenaged students
my food (soup)
a roof overhead
my neighbor who 'gets it' (widow of five years)
enough $ for the moment
friends
knowing that James is happy and may be laughing at my histronics. Darn him!