As taken from my blog

As taken from my blog -   We should not be alone can remember as child at primary school that we were surrounded by quite famous people or famous peoples kids. I remember Anna, Peter Gabriel's daughter at my school and the fact that although she was from ridiculously famous stock she was probably the most ugliest girl in the school, not that it mattered that she was an ugly kid, it was the feeling that money or status means nothing.So I was thinking back to my early days I thought of Jonathan Dimbleby's kids. I can even remember being invited to the Dimblebey's for their son's birthday party. But its a fact that wherever you come from in life, status etc were all human, and we all share certain faults.It was just today when I was feeling somewhat lonely in my predicament (divorce + billy no mates + no job + health issues) that I stumbled across an old news article written by Bel Mooney about 'loneliness'. Now I don't know about you but when I read articles online I more often than not go straight to the article forgetting who penned the thing in the first place, it was only when I finished reading that I looked at the top of the page to find out who wrote it, that I thought I know that name, where do I know that from?. So I did some digging and lo and behold found that I actually did know Bel at some point in time, and that my mind wasn't playing tricks on me, I remember her or her kids from school. Bel was married to Jonathan Dimbleby you see, I say was... they are seperated now.But anyway strange or even nonsensical coincidences aside, Bel actually states some rather interesting facts, one fact is that divorce or a split from a loved one can be also counted as a bereavement, this can lead to loneliness, and even depression, Bel writes from her article about lonely people:The deadening isolation and sorrow felt by those who have lost somebody they love through bereavement is inevitable. Similarly, the loneliness felt by men and women who have lost a way of life (and of once-real love) through separation and divorce is itself a variety of bereavement. Open yourself up to love - and to deep friendship, too - and you open yourself to the pain of loss.I have to say I totally agree with Bel here, Love has it's downside, and yet as humans it seems that what we crave more than anything in the world is to love and be loved. That sense of love enables a person to be grounded in a cozy reality, but it not only anchors us, but enables us to share with others in the things that life throws at us, the good and bad.it was just a few days ago that I thought I was over the worst of it, my health has steadied somewhat, and although I think I'm over the loss of my partner, my general confidence or well being is completely hammered, and the thought of being a psudo-dad is possibly the worst feeling of all. Add up all the facts as a collective and it leads to a pretty miserable existance frought with unimaginable dangers. Normal things I could have done with ease, are now like mountains I have to climb.But I was trying to remain positive... I was starting to look forward to new beginings instead of looking back. In some respects this was what accounted for my recent new found happiness, but it didn't last long. I've had to really think about what it is that is making me feel like I'm not a whole human. You could surmise that I'm still grieving for the loss of my past, my ex-partner and my dependancy on my safe and cozy existance. This in some respects is true, but what I am missing and this is the real crux as it were is family life, and my children. Its only natural as a father, that I should feel whole, and that my time should be spent with them in a normal family unit, that is what I would consider normal, how can I now be so utterly lonesome. It strikes me as lifes little cruel joke. It's not just the injustice of it, it's the effects it has afterwards.For fathers or even mothers who have to go through this terrible experience alone, there are no words to describe the utter feelings of desolation that seperation can cause, its so absolute. As Bel states in her article, that at the end of the day we are all somehow cosmicly alone, even for the ones who share in love, they are all alone in the grand scheme of things.But while I think that is a mildy sobering thought, I don't think people that feel lonely should be alone, and yet in age of mass communication the irony of it all is staggering.