As is often of late,the night is my friend

The time is 3:56am,and once again,my slumbers have been disturbed by an inability to breathe unaided;and an intensity of pain which rarely reaches the level it now attacks my defenseless body with.My mental state however,is one of defiance and grim determination,as I wait for the effects of my painkiller foot soldiers to gain the upper hand.My body is visibly trembling,and shaken by the onslaught of this invisible force of agony; I keep momentarily bending over my keyboard,like a boxer caught unawares by steam hammer blows to his solar plexus,kidneys and chest.My mood however,remains surprisingly upbeat,I am calm,having grown used to pain in my waking hours,I know that it will ease,if not be completely vanquished,enough for me to be semi-comfortable in my skin.It is at times like these,as the title of my entry today implies;as is often of late,the night is my friend.I can openly display the level of pain I am in because there is only me here;I can grit my teeth to the point of grinding them to dust sometimes,and I can slump in my chair to gain a moment of respite.I can also weep silently,which I often do when I'm alone,when the pain becomes momentarily too great.In the company of others,I attempt to disguise any emotions or pain that I am experiencing, in a misguided effort to allay their worries or fears.Sometimes I succeed,and at others I fail miserably,but my intentions are always honorable and well meant.
                                                                                                                 Before I found this place,I had no outlet for my private thoughts,fears or imaginings;I have grown to love my journal,and I find it therapeutically valuable,in my efforts to understand the sometimes complicated individual that I am today.I am also wonderfully moved by the people in my group who take such an interest in me,and leave such supportive,and love filled,messages in my journal and in my hug book.I have never met these strangers,and yet they have become my friends;sharing my hopes and fears,my pain and my joy,and I in return share theirs;there is still an incredible beauty in this big blue marble that we live on,and a breathtaking humanity in those souls who cross our paths.I am reminded of a piece of writing that has often proven so beneficial for me,and provided me with a safe haven whenever my travels through the sea of life become stormy,I would like to share it with you journal if I may;it is called the desiderata,and it goes something like this.Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
© Max Ehrmann 1927
I find Mister Ehrmann a very humble and,not a little wise,man.My pain is subsiding slightly now,and I am breathing a little better,although my lower back still steadfastly refuses to grant me any respite from it's relentless assault upon my person.No matter,we can wait,you and I,for time is a commodity we have in abundance;and if we can learn a little patience to walk hand in hand with time,we will wait out this particular storm,and emerge none the worse for it.Today,I shall attempt to replicate the fragile success of yesterday,when my wife and I had the experience of a truly peaceful stroll through the hours of our day,and I let her know that I love her,and am grateful she is a presence in my life.She deserves to know such things,even though,at times,I fail to show her the appreciation and love that she deserves.I am not an easy man to co-exist with,being set in my ways,and yet,every time I raise my head,there she is,solid and unbending,ready to administer endless soup bowls of care and love.and lend a sympathetic ear to my complaints.Thank you my Virginia blossom,from the very bottom of my heart,you permeate my soul and strengthen my resolve;I love you very much.Well journal,time to rest;I am going to leave my little green face,who ironically always looks rather ill to me,on good on the mood chart for the second day in a row.We may be slow my friend,but for the last forty eight hours at least;we have been winning the battles we've been asked to fight.