As I watch our things leave our home
MY JOE
I am at such a loss now. Our house sold in just three days, I have to be out in two weeks from now and I have spent weeks donating and getting rid of old things here. I feel like you are attached to every single item and it is killing me inside to see them go. I cannot take anything with me back to brooklyn. You know how small, hot and packed that apartment is over there. All the furniture here is going to people who really needed it. Even with its broken pieces and scuffs, they are still do grateful to have it to use..that gives me some peace to know that it has not been thrown out.
Today some people are coming to take out bedroom, couches and wall units, tomorrow a scrap metal man is coming to take your big metal desk out for me. I want to badly to keep your big desk chair to just sit in and remember you but there is no where to put it? I will never ever hear the crack of that chair as you lean back to watch tv and relax in the middle of the night.
Tomorrow you boys come here for the first time since you left us. They are coming with your brother in law to pick up all your things that belong to them by your will. I have no one who can be with me when they come since everyone had to work tomorrow. I am afraid Joe...afraid of them claiming that things are missing and this is so sad. how can I fear our own sons...my step sons who I trusted with my life and why have they lied so much? Why do I feel that it is not your sons but their mother who is causing such troubles in my life now?
If you have any way of guiding them tomorrow, please send love to their hearts. I want so much to have them in my life in a good way. Your headstone is being put up in the next three days also..what a crazy week it is going to be on my heart! I hope you love it with the simple dove of peace on it. Yes I did go crazy with the dark black shiny stone and gold writing, but I want everyone to see your name from far away and never ever forget you.
Thank you for that beautiful lionel richie concert the other night and I coudl hear you singing out loud to me like you always did riding or working on your cars. I am sorry I sobbed to hard, but I was happy and so sad all at the same time. I am afraid that when I make this insane move in two weeks that I will totally crack and melt down. I have thoughts all the time that when the house is sold and things are settled for my girls, I want to come join you in paradise. I have no reason to be here anymore Joe and you see and know that. My illness just gets worse all the time and there is no curing it. I will never work at my job again and will always be on disability now at such a young age. It leave me feeling useless and just pacing waiting for the days to end. I cannot even volunteer to help anyone else since I cannot help myself. What a useless life now.
Please stand by me in the next few weeks. I need your strength to keep moving along just until I get to brooklyn again You always have my heart Joe, forever...Me!
I am at such a loss now. Our house sold in just three days, I have to be out in two weeks from now and I have spent weeks donating and getting rid of old things here. I feel like you are attached to every single item and it is killing me inside to see them go. I cannot take anything with me back to brooklyn. You know how small, hot and packed that apartment is over there. All the furniture here is going to people who really needed it. Even with its broken pieces and scuffs, they are still do grateful to have it to use..that gives me some peace to know that it has not been thrown out.
Today some people are coming to take out bedroom, couches and wall units, tomorrow a scrap metal man is coming to take your big metal desk out for me. I want to badly to keep your big desk chair to just sit in and remember you but there is no where to put it? I will never ever hear the crack of that chair as you lean back to watch tv and relax in the middle of the night.
Tomorrow you boys come here for the first time since you left us. They are coming with your brother in law to pick up all your things that belong to them by your will. I have no one who can be with me when they come since everyone had to work tomorrow. I am afraid Joe...afraid of them claiming that things are missing and this is so sad. how can I fear our own sons...my step sons who I trusted with my life and why have they lied so much? Why do I feel that it is not your sons but their mother who is causing such troubles in my life now?
If you have any way of guiding them tomorrow, please send love to their hearts. I want so much to have them in my life in a good way. Your headstone is being put up in the next three days also..what a crazy week it is going to be on my heart! I hope you love it with the simple dove of peace on it. Yes I did go crazy with the dark black shiny stone and gold writing, but I want everyone to see your name from far away and never ever forget you.
Thank you for that beautiful lionel richie concert the other night and I coudl hear you singing out loud to me like you always did riding or working on your cars. I am sorry I sobbed to hard, but I was happy and so sad all at the same time. I am afraid that when I make this insane move in two weeks that I will totally crack and melt down. I have thoughts all the time that when the house is sold and things are settled for my girls, I want to come join you in paradise. I have no reason to be here anymore Joe and you see and know that. My illness just gets worse all the time and there is no curing it. I will never work at my job again and will always be on disability now at such a young age. It leave me feeling useless and just pacing waiting for the days to end. I cannot even volunteer to help anyone else since I cannot help myself. What a useless life now.
Please stand by me in the next few weeks. I need your strength to keep moving along just until I get to brooklyn again You always have my heart Joe, forever...Me!
Replies
Ann, my heart is breaking for you and with you right now. I wished I lived close to you and could help you through this difficult time.....
Know that Joe will be with you always no matter where you go. You will still have all those memories of him sitting in that chair even if you do not have chair......
I so wish that his family will be a little sensitive to you and make it as easy as possible when they come. Even better if they would still include you in their lives.......I am sad that no one could be there with you as you go through these next few days.......know I will be thinking of you and wish you all the best in your new move also........hugs
Dear sweet Ann, Out of everyone here, I feel so much like you because of our men. Also, know that I too had to move out of our home in August (he passed away March 27th) I was on the road on birthday August 26, 2010 from Texas to Calif. A few days before I was on the road, I had a garage sale and sold most of our things that meant so much to me, our back yard pool furniture, our couches, our bed and bedroom furniture ( I have my guest bedroom furniture now).
I remember thinking this is so hard, I finally met a man who made me feel so loved, too have to lose him and also all we had that reminded me of him.
I moved in with a friend and her son it was not easy because all I did was cry and feel so lost with her. She was so good to me, a few times it was hard because we shared the same bedroom and bed, her son was in the other room. I thought I would do her a favor and cleaned up her stuff and made more room for us in the room. It was a bad idea, she wanted her stuff all out, because after I tidy it up, she could not find a thing and she let me know never to touch her stuff again.
Other then that, we all got along great, I love her and her son was a great kid. Yes, was, he passed away at only 26 years old of sleep apnea and so I know that God had me with her for a reason. I was able to help her through this painful loss of her son who we loved so much.
She herself suffers from the same disease and sleeps with a machine every night but we had no idea her son had this disease.
I can tell you, after living away for a full year, I moved back to my home (God may have a new home for you when your ready).
I was able to appreciate living alone, I also learned to live with my friend and also moved in with family, so I am now looking for a room mate to in my home. I can do it, because I lived with others.
God gently guided me through all this, you will be guided too. Give all your pain to God.
I do not have things that were reminders of Carmelo but I have something greater, I have God and he is worth to me more then the things.
My dream is to move closer to my kids, so I am trusting God to someday get me there.
Always praying for you sweet friend,
Hugs & God Bless,
Judy
Annie, You have been on my mind. I have not been on DS much and I had not been getting the alerts but I got the alert about your Journal Entry. I hope the step sons\' visit went well and you are relieved of not having to deal with them any more. I know that somehow Joe is helping you get through this difficult time and you will feel lighter once you move out of the house. Everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to happen. God does everything to perfection even though we may not understand nor see it while we are hurting. Your health will get better, focus on living and all that you need to live will manifest. Trust in God to lift you up and keep you there. Blessings! Connie
Connie
The boys never showed up today after i waited all day. They said the could nto get a truck and will not come unless their uncle comes with them (like i would ever hurt them!!). They are trying to put it off till next tues when I am moving just two days later!! I said no to the uncle and they are trying to find a truck for tomorrow. Amazing, since they took all five trucks of my husbands right out my driveway the day after he died..but they cannot find a truck to get the things.
I am having two familes here today that I never met before. They have come into my life in the last week and are in need of furniture. One wants to take Joes desk and use it rather have me scrap it for metal. I am so so happy she wants the desk of his and it will be used by people who appreciate it. Can you ever imagine that people I never met have become such blessings to me. They come back to wrap up the old scrap wood and things for garbage as a thank you for helping them. Maybe this is my calling? I have always given my heart away to fast and also my things..but what a nice feeling when people appreciate you...
I pray you are all doing welll...at least better than me right now...
Judy....I will work it out the best I can in the old apartment until I find something.My mom keeps telling me how happy she is to have me back and \"that is my home and always will be\"....what a great mom and I am blessed to still have her in my life. Love you all Ann