April Winds

Monday was our finial court hearing. I spent all last week with uncontrollable outburst of tears and emotions and Monday was no different. I basically broke down on the stand before the judge but the wife was almost as bad. I just wanted to hold her and feel her arms. I wanted her safety, but as much as she too was hurting she could not give me that, and I’m trying to understand, realizing that she too has to find a way to cope with this shattering ordeal.
 The wife walked out of the courthouse on Monday and I has not returned to the house. My daughters have been able to have limited conversations with her. My oldest is driving in this weekend to help with moving things to an apartment. She tells me her mom loves me but wanted this divorce so that I would “Move-On” because she knows she will not change, does not want to change, and does not want me to keep being miserable. My wife has told me this many times over the past few months, I just can’t seem to accept it or admit it. I wish I could understand how she needs me and loves me but does not want me to share more of her life besides being roommates. But I guess she cant understand why I feel the need for companionship and cant be content as housemates leading basically two separate lives. I feel a marriage without companionship is not much of a marriage. So why do I hurt so much over this ending?

Replies

PeaceHarmony
PeaceHarmony

You hurt because you are losing something that was very precious to you. You hurt because you love your wife dearly.

It hurts when we see our loved one not willing to do what they need to do to make it work.

Divorce is a ripping apart of what was meant to be one whole thing... it\'s not a clean cut. It has jagged ends. It is painful. I have heard it said that it is worth than your spouse dying.

Please continue to surround yourself with those loving and safe supports which you need right now ... to help you through this.

You are in my prayers.
PeaceHarmony
PeaceHarmony

my bad... typo. correction:

\"I have heard it said that is is WORSE than your spouse dying.\"
drtexdi
drtexdi

Yes, I believe it is because they choose to leave us. I am so sorry for your pain. (((Prayers and hugs for you!))))
Diane
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sorry this is so hard for you. I think this way of divorce, with no cheating, is harder because the rational seems so unclear. You love each other; she doesn\'t want to be who you want her to be. I\'m glad you have loving folks and children to support you through this time. I\'ll continue praying that you will find some form of comfort as you continue to go through this painful process... Hugs.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi

Well you can call me the Devil\'s Advocate, but I don\'t put much stock into your X telling you that she LOVES you -- she may love you as a friend, but she sure doesn\'t love you as a wife SHOULD love her husband. My therapist would no doubt look at this situation and say \"She loved you as much as she is capable of loving anyone\" and I believe that\'s the fact of the matter.
As for you, my friend, you ought to try telling yourself what I did to get through the pain of it all, even though my X left me for someone else (and also because he thought he could keep all the assets for himself -- selfish bugger he was!). I say to myself \"I did the very best I could with what I had to work with\" and I knew that just because he rejected me, it didn\'t make me unloveable or undesirable.
Your grief will dissipate with time. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling. Be with those feelings as they come up and then let them go. It\'s all part of the healing process.
We will all remain here with you as you work through this next phase. Know that I hold you in my daily thoughts and prayers.
deleted_user
deleted_user

So sorry for your pain. Take one day at the time. Hugs