april 30, 2013
played around again today. its kind of like I just keep putting off quitting... like Im too much of a quitter to quit the one thing I should quit. like I am putting off becoming who I should be. Im so afraid of letting myself try to succeed.
I dont think I really need to gamble, its just a habit and sometimes I just get tired of fighting the urge and just wanna say whatever whatever, today Im lettin loose and gonna gamble and eat junk food and be lazy bla bla bla. Did I hurt myself by gambling today? Who knows... how badly does it affect me anymore. Is it the money, the lying, the waste of time and waste of life??
but ive been going to the gym alot the last 4 months, acheiving personal bests, pushing myself at that, so I want to try for a personal best in GF days... not sure what that would be exactly but I dont think I have made it longer than 4 in the last 10 years or so... in the last 3 to 4 years of "trying" to quit I have done 4 months a few times but always went back. If I can at least get myself to beat 4, to do 5 months, then maybe at that point I can choose for myself with a clear head which direction I want my life to take!
I dont think I really need to gamble, its just a habit and sometimes I just get tired of fighting the urge and just wanna say whatever whatever, today Im lettin loose and gonna gamble and eat junk food and be lazy bla bla bla. Did I hurt myself by gambling today? Who knows... how badly does it affect me anymore. Is it the money, the lying, the waste of time and waste of life??
but ive been going to the gym alot the last 4 months, acheiving personal bests, pushing myself at that, so I want to try for a personal best in GF days... not sure what that would be exactly but I dont think I have made it longer than 4 in the last 10 years or so... in the last 3 to 4 years of "trying" to quit I have done 4 months a few times but always went back. If I can at least get myself to beat 4, to do 5 months, then maybe at that point I can choose for myself with a clear head which direction I want my life to take!
Replies