April 30, 2010 - closet loner?
I was told that I should journal more, thanks Winspriit! I will give it a try. I have to open up to people and let them into my life. Instead of being the hero for everyone. there is so much in my life that I need to share with you and hope that you will won't be critical of me because I consider myself such a sensitive person!
I often wonder why it can be difficult to open up to people. Maybe its because I am afraid of what people will think of me. Generally, people know me as a very strong, independent person. Sometimes I disguise myself, act like I am completely with it and don't want to show my true identity. This has been very difficult for me and I would like to change this. I remember during my school age years, I found it difficult to make a lot of friends because I was painfully shy (I kinda still am). often I worry about how others think of me. So much so that I can shut myself out from people and the world around me. I like being busy and doing different things but always feel that I have to watch myself and not do too much because I feel like I want to be in my own little home with my siamese cat Tika. I have to learn to bring people in my life. I know I have been sick with cancer (CANCER FREE!) for the past 4 months and have to "reintroduce" myself to the world again. Its often difficult. I have joined a few meetup.com groups but find myself kinda nervous about meeting up with new people so I only do a few things here and there. I don't allow them to get to know me. There is this woman in this one meetup.com over 30 women group that I just joined and she seems so intimidating. Only if I allow myself to get to know her and the others, it would be fine. Its just that I didn't feel comfortable with this group, maybe I should give it another try? I really can't say that I am an extremely loner but maybe I am a closet loner? I often find myself home on the weekends where I could be out having fun.
I often wonder why it can be difficult to open up to people. Maybe its because I am afraid of what people will think of me. Generally, people know me as a very strong, independent person. Sometimes I disguise myself, act like I am completely with it and don't want to show my true identity. This has been very difficult for me and I would like to change this. I remember during my school age years, I found it difficult to make a lot of friends because I was painfully shy (I kinda still am). often I worry about how others think of me. So much so that I can shut myself out from people and the world around me. I like being busy and doing different things but always feel that I have to watch myself and not do too much because I feel like I want to be in my own little home with my siamese cat Tika. I have to learn to bring people in my life. I know I have been sick with cancer (CANCER FREE!) for the past 4 months and have to "reintroduce" myself to the world again. Its often difficult. I have joined a few meetup.com groups but find myself kinda nervous about meeting up with new people so I only do a few things here and there. I don't allow them to get to know me. There is this woman in this one meetup.com over 30 women group that I just joined and she seems so intimidating. Only if I allow myself to get to know her and the others, it would be fine. Its just that I didn't feel comfortable with this group, maybe I should give it another try? I really can't say that I am an extremely loner but maybe I am a closet loner? I often find myself home on the weekends where I could be out having fun.
Replies
tika, join a group of live people by volunteering to do something you\'re interested in. You\'ll be around people with similar interests who will not push you to open up about yourself, but will just be glad you\'re there to lend a helping hand. Then maybe, maybe, you\'ll meet a few who you click with and it won\'t be hard to share yourself with them and things will progress to having fun!! :)
Lhanley
Thanks for your help lhanley. I need to learn to have fun and not worry about how I look to other people.
Welcome to the club! You definitely are not the only \"independent\" person on this site.
That\'s great you are getting out to meetups and trying to meet new people. Don\'t get down on yourself when you are spending time alone. Some people are introverted and feel more comfortable alone or in small groups.
It sounds like you may have a touch of social anxiety. Have you ever tried brushing up on your social skills? About ten years ago I read a couple books on social skills and it helped boost my confidence. I was pleasantly surprised how people started reacting to me differently.
Think of this...You are a gift to the world! Is it fair for you to withhold you from us? NO! Share what you can... the world will be better!!