April 30, 2010 - closet loner?
I was told that I should journal more, thanks Winspriit! I will give it a try. I have to open up to people and let them into my life. Instead of being the hero for everyone. there is so much in my life that I need to share with you and hope that you will won't be critical of me because I consider myself such a sensitive person!
I often wonder why it can be difficult to open up to people. Maybe its because I am afraid of what people will think of me. Generally, people know me as a very strong, independent person. Sometimes I disguise myself, act like I am completely with it and don't want to show my true identity. This has been very difficult for me and I would like to change this. I remember during my school age years, I found it difficult to make a lot of friends because I was painfully shy (I kinda still am). often I worry about how others think of me. So much so that I can shut myself out from people and the world around me. I like being busy and doing different things but always feel that I have to watch myself and not do too much because I feel like I want to be in my own little home with my siamese cat Tika. I have to learn to bring people in my life. I know I have been sick with cancer (CANCER FREE!) for the past 4 months and have to "reintroduce" myself to the world again. Its often difficult. I have joined a few meetup.com groups but find myself kinda nervous about meeting up with new people so I only do a few things here and there. I don't allow them to get to know me. There is this woman in this one meetup.com over 30 women group that I just joined and she seems so intimidating. Only if I allow myself to get to know her and the others, it would be fine. Its just that I didn't feel comfortable with this group, maybe I should give it another try? I really can't say that I am an extremely loner but maybe I am a closet loner? I often find myself home on the weekends where I could be out having fun.
I often wonder why it can be difficult to open up to people. Maybe its because I am afraid of what people will think of me. Generally, people know me as a very strong, independent person. Sometimes I disguise myself, act like I am completely with it and don't want to show my true identity. This has been very difficult for me and I would like to change this. I remember during my school age years, I found it difficult to make a lot of friends because I was painfully shy (I kinda still am). often I worry about how others think of me. So much so that I can shut myself out from people and the world around me. I like being busy and doing different things but always feel that I have to watch myself and not do too much because I feel like I want to be in my own little home with my siamese cat Tika. I have to learn to bring people in my life. I know I have been sick with cancer (CANCER FREE!) for the past 4 months and have to "reintroduce" myself to the world again. Its often difficult. I have joined a few meetup.com groups but find myself kinda nervous about meeting up with new people so I only do a few things here and there. I don't allow them to get to know me. There is this woman in this one meetup.com over 30 women group that I just joined and she seems so intimidating. Only if I allow myself to get to know her and the others, it would be fine. Its just that I didn't feel comfortable with this group, maybe I should give it another try? I really can't say that I am an extremely loner but maybe I am a closet loner? I often find myself home on the weekends where I could be out having fun.
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