april 19, 2009

i'm too embarrassed to really talk about it, but i know i need to.  the past two weeks has not been that great.  i've met someone who is not good for me.  i don't know how to stop it.  i mean i do but i'm afraid to.  i could easily lie but i don't want to lie.  i'm starting to feel not safe again and i am starting to worry more.  it's my fault - i'm not making good decisions right now.  i guess i've been a little down and so my confidence seem to be down.  i think something may have bothered me: the person that i think i'm seeing, this woman at my job bothered me two weeks ago, i'm not sure if i am going to have a job (may be sold) soon, and i don't have a real close friend - what's new. i feel good complaining - letting it out.  i should make a list and come up with a solution for the issues. i work too much - i have little time for myself.  i'm not doing much for me - i watchout for others more. i met this couple at my club/gym.  they look good together - they are very into each other.  i speak to both of them.  the female is very nice to me.  we laughed a lot.  our last visit her i talked.  she asked me if i was seeing someone b/c she said i was very nice looking and she wanted to introduce me to her female friend.  i thought it was nice and kind.  i told her i was molested as a child and was in therapy.  she seem to have received it well.  she told me she has been seeing a therapist for four years now.  she did not say for what.  i asked her if it was too much information for her and she said no.  she said that i wear it well - the problem.  i told her i'm not ready for a relationship right now.  we exchanged phone numbers.  a few days later she said she wanted to take me out b/c i'm a nice guy.  i've left her two msgs and i never heard from her.  i have not seen them at the club since then.  my mother thinks her boyfriend probably did not approve of the friendship.  well i hope they are doing fine.  she told me her and her boyfriend had been dating since january 2009. i worried about giving all that info about me: why did i do that to someone i just met or what was my purpose.  i think one of the reasons i did it was b/c i worry that people think i am gay.  this is stressing me out.