Appr mother's day 5 7 15
You sound worn out and numb from all this...that's what we do to survive as best we can. We become someone different than who we wanted to be. But after 15+ years of this with our ED, I find it's OK to be guarded, particularly, yet sadly where our EC are concerned. The one thing her Dad & I did differently this time, is we sent an email to our ED, telling her to get on board with her responsibility of her part in what has caused this horribly sad and unnecessary estrangement. Our ED has addiction issues, as well as a personality disorder, & we have tried counseling, etc., etc., etc. But our letter outlined mainly recent issues, including her physically assaulting BOTH her Dad & myself on 2 separate occasions, & her refusal to take responsibility for this. We absolutely wanted to make sure that if anything happens to either of us, now that we are in our 60's, that she has a WRITTEN STATEMENT FROM US, so BOTH WE & SHE, CAN READ IT AGAIN & AGAIN! This statement says over and over again, with love but firmness, that she must make amends as part of her addiction & estrangement recovery (now over 15+ years). We sited only the last few awful encounters with her, and repeated our continuing love & care for her & our estranged grandson, BUT we emphatically told her we were done with this denial and lack of normal adult treatment nonsense, & that unless she stepped up, it was likely that out next interaction would only ever be on the other side...This letter was soooo hard for us to do. But these estranged adult kids like to act as if nothing ever happened, & that we are just exaggerating everything. This is their excusal technique... They truly do not have the same normal makeup as other adult kids, & I clearly suspect that there may even be a chemical misfiring in their brains in this weird estrangement thing with them. But it still does not excuse it..It's still just plain painful and cruel! That is why we did this letter. We 100% wanted this behavior to be in writing, and placed at HER DOOR & ON HER SHOULDERS WHERE IT BELONGED! Now whether or not we we run in to her, or whether or not we ever speak again, we took back control for US! You see, even if she NEVER reads the letter, WE can read it! It helps us remember who we are. PARENTS...WITH AN ESTRANGED DAUGHTER BY her CHOICE, THROWING AWAY GOOD DECENT PARENTS! It's on her now. We truly can move on. Sadly, unnecessarily, but we can move on. This letter with others we've written over the years, will be the only thing we will leave to her, with our TAPED and written last will and testament. This is our final & last letter... Fifteen+ years of no mothers or fathers day wishes, etc. It's finally enough! Either she steps up, or we are done now...not with loving her or our grandson, but with trying. We feel in having done this now, the numbness is different. We have much more of ourselves back. It will still & likely always be so sad for what NEVER HAD TO BE, but now we can have our own morals and values as a parent & as a person still intact. We just reread this last letter now when we slip into a possible too deep depression. I'm sure I'll reread it on Mothers day, as will her Dad on Father's Day. We may even resend it on those days, and on other special days, until she blocks us, if it helps US NOW! It's our time now. We did enough already! For us, this letter feels that we have finally put this estrangement thing where it truly belongs, on HER! We feel freed up now. Our door will ALWAYS BE OPEN IF SHE WANTS TO BEHAVE HERSELF! But we've had more than enough! Maybe this may work for you or others here at the estrangement forum...Either way, HAPPY MOTHER'S & FATHER'S DAY TO COME! We know we were good parents...And You did a fine job, too...Bless you all
Replies
I wish you peace. I hope we all find peace in this mess. (hugs)