Appointment has happened - Botox started
I have the Botox mulling under my skin and my neck aches. The first appointment with the Migraine doctor happened on Monday and left me extremely depressed for a few days. There was no help with the pain and no new drug introduced. I was offered poison under my skin.
I actually did know this is likely what would happen, but a part of me had hoped that maybe the educated world would know more than what I knew. Maybe I would be given some sort of pain releif as I had seen others had be given.
Instead I was told that no other pain killer would work for my kind of pain and I would just have to continue to live with it. Being told that information does something deep in a person's soul and I really had difficulty pulling up out of this darkness, this time. The doctor gave me some relaxation audio to listen to, but, really, it is no different than all the other meditative yoga stuff I've done all these years. As long as I don't move, and I am in a hypnotic meditative state, I can tolerate it. No sense feeling sorry for myself, I didn't do that, but I did hit the dark dangerous spot.
I'm better emotionally today. I got the Botox proceedure done yesterday. I stayed home and worked from my kitchen table, and now my neck is really sore because of the injections. So now I wait and hope that this works. I didn't ask if this was the last bit of help for me. I don't want to know the answer because I beleive he told me indirectly that it is. It just has to work.
I will say that during my appointment I was very calm and clear and productive until he asked about the section on the form where I ticked off on his form about depression and crying a lot. I told him about my feeling of hopelessness with this disease and how it is so hard going to work and back with so much pain and so often and I wouldn't be depressed if not for this disease and that it isn't much of a life. He was very kind and I pulled myself together again.
This disease has taught me patience, humility, empathy and inner strength. It would be nice to enjoy life for a length of time.
Angela
I actually did know this is likely what would happen, but a part of me had hoped that maybe the educated world would know more than what I knew. Maybe I would be given some sort of pain releif as I had seen others had be given.
Instead I was told that no other pain killer would work for my kind of pain and I would just have to continue to live with it. Being told that information does something deep in a person's soul and I really had difficulty pulling up out of this darkness, this time. The doctor gave me some relaxation audio to listen to, but, really, it is no different than all the other meditative yoga stuff I've done all these years. As long as I don't move, and I am in a hypnotic meditative state, I can tolerate it. No sense feeling sorry for myself, I didn't do that, but I did hit the dark dangerous spot.
I'm better emotionally today. I got the Botox proceedure done yesterday. I stayed home and worked from my kitchen table, and now my neck is really sore because of the injections. So now I wait and hope that this works. I didn't ask if this was the last bit of help for me. I don't want to know the answer because I beleive he told me indirectly that it is. It just has to work.
I will say that during my appointment I was very calm and clear and productive until he asked about the section on the form where I ticked off on his form about depression and crying a lot. I told him about my feeling of hopelessness with this disease and how it is so hard going to work and back with so much pain and so often and I wouldn't be depressed if not for this disease and that it isn't much of a life. He was very kind and I pulled myself together again.
This disease has taught me patience, humility, empathy and inner strength. It would be nice to enjoy life for a length of time.
Angela
Replies
I\'m really sorry that the specialist didn\'t have anything better to offer you... it\'s just not darn fair. I\'m sorry it sent you down into the dark pit too... but I think it would take a person with absolutely no feelings in order to not feel discouraged. I know you were pleased that he at least listened to you... but it pisses me off that he can tell you \"no meds will help\"... the thing that we all know, if we\'ve been on the chronic pain board for a while, is that everyone reacts differently to meds... and what helps one person may not help another. So how can he tell you that no med will help you... have you tried every single med that could potentially help... as well as trying them all in different doses and combinations? It took my pain docs a while to get my pain to the point of being manageable... it took a fair bit of trial and error to find out which combo is right for me... and tomorrow I could wake up and find that it\'s all stopped working and I have to go through the whole trial and error procedure all over again. I\'m just so sorry for your pain hon... if I had a magic wand I\'d make a wish and set you free from it. You are so brave the way you keep on going.. I don\'t know that I would have the strength in your position, but you certainly deserve to have less pain and more contentment in your life. I just really hope the injections help
Take care sweetie... hugs... Gaye... xxx
I don\'t understand this either because it seems that some CP patients get really good pain relief that is carefully monitored by their doctors. And then other CP patients get no pain relief at all. You and I seem to fall in the later category. I am so sorry that more options were not offered. And I understand your frustration. I really hope that the Botox gives you relief. If that works for you at least that would be something. Pharmaceutical company\'s must be really struggling these days now that all doctor everywhere have stopped perscribing narcotics or strong pain medications. Kind of interesting times we live in. The new motto, \"Let Them Suffer\". You will continue to be in my thoughts & prayers. Hugs, Cathy