Apple Seeds and Cyanide
Apple Seeds and CyanideInside this pit is a pit and a purpose.Swallow itDevour itDie with it.Give me no more purpose.Choke or poison , either is fine. Just make sure I chew.With a funnel , pour them down and shut my mouth.Cut my tongue with a firm plastic edge and take the air from my lungs.Suffocate me and return to me the fruit that fell from paradise.Adams apple and the seeds to go with it make me whole.Dying slow. Tame my soul take the misery and let me go.Watch me drift away in peace and bury me in a hole.A name , no more a face , just a rock with 2 dates.Turn me blue and put me in my pit.This pit , is a pit and a purpose.
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It sounds like you are on a very bad low. There is no worse time. If you are this bad, it may be time to go to a hospital. Obviously your meds are not working, and/or you are not getting the support you need. When I was young, I was always on a roller coaster - incredible highs and suicidal lows. There just seemed no way out. I have been very proactive, and things have actually improved tremendously. I am not perfect, but no longer the severe depression, or the enticing highs. I have found a relationship with God through Christ has been the thing that has kept me going, and brought healing. This is not a trite, pat answer. It has taken a lot of work, and changing my hopes and dreams to what God wants, not what I have wanted. I wanted to be healed of bipolar disorder, God told me NO! I have made you this way for a purpose. But he has made it easier to make it through each day, and gave me good friends, an understanding family, and hope for eternity. That is what worked for me. Remember, God is not the cause of your problems, but he can be a solution.