- anyone - really - or not
I think I could almost .... what is the word? - embrace or release ? I am asleep this quietude drifting in to the nether . . . If I could only clear my head long enough to stop repeating everything.- piss's me off - sometimes and, I forget to go to the place where I can begin again no, no, not in my thought's oh, God . . . . . what a pitiful circumstance - where was I just now? I am not afraid but I am alone. - as It should be . . . . . . .perhapsNO! why do I put myself here? no, not alone !
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Hi Bill. Inside our \'calm\' exteriors live very unquiet minds. I do know how difficult it is for me to pluck a thought, a memory, an idea from the thick sea of mud that has become my brain. And it is noisy in there... Like a radio that is constantly changing stations... I think a recognize a tune and then, poof, it\'s gone. Sometimes I wish I couldn\'t remember at all. Mostly, I wish that the rotting carcasses of the Terrible Memories would sink to the bottom, and, maybe, just maybe, the happier ones could float to the top. I\'m sorry you feel alone - we are here with you in spirit. If I were closer, I would come over and sit quitely with you. I saw a sticker the other day that said: \"Oh Crap. You are going to try to cheer me up, aren\'t you?\" That is so true. People try to help, but sometimes they just won\'t shut up - they just keep asking questions. I don\'t have answers to their questions. I cannot point to where it hurts. Anyway, I\'m rambling... I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. If I could, I would reach out and turn down the noise in your mind. Peace. Alice
Alice, I appreciate your comments.
The noise in my head sounds more like that \"Neon Buzz \" along with that snapping vibration that turns your eyes into fuzzy cotton balls and numbs you into a sort of suspended surreality not at all comfortable in any meaningful way.
I suffered a concussion and passed out in 1967, my right ear has been ringing
in a giga pitch not yet replicated in any lab I know of.
It becomes more intense when I think about it so, I\'m going to stop doing that.
aaaaaaaahhh, no good, still hear it. . . .
well, - just another glimpse into the wonderous machinations of my partially medicated selfnessness.
You are a kind spirit Alice . .. see you around.