Anxious Thoughts 2/2/13
It didn't seem right that my sister had esophageal cancer. I had been treated for acid reflux symptoms for over 10 years, and had already had 2 EGD's to check my esophagus. My sister never had any symptoms. I didn't understand how she could have gotten cancer instead of me. It's all so random. We try to take good care of ourselves and live a healthy lifestyle, and yet sometimes the cancer comes anyway.
My sister is a very spiritual person, and the most generous person I know. After she was first diagnosed, we had a good discussion, and both agreed that we have had such good lives up to this point that we would be O.K. with dying tomorrow. But then the reality of the disease hit, and she was not able to swallow even water during her chemo/radiation treatments. Even worse, after surgery, she was so nauseous that she was not able to even get off of the couch for weeks on end. I could tell that this was all extremely wearing on her, emotionally as well as physically.
But one of the hardest things is that in her desire to emotionally protect her younger siblings, she is somewhat shutting us out. We bought a personal laptop for her, but she is not sending email. I can only call her about once a week, and then hope that she will return my phone call within a few days. I really want to spend more time with my sister while I can. I hope that she can get past the depression that goes with this diagnosis, and spend some good days with us.
My sister is a very spiritual person, and the most generous person I know. After she was first diagnosed, we had a good discussion, and both agreed that we have had such good lives up to this point that we would be O.K. with dying tomorrow. But then the reality of the disease hit, and she was not able to swallow even water during her chemo/radiation treatments. Even worse, after surgery, she was so nauseous that she was not able to even get off of the couch for weeks on end. I could tell that this was all extremely wearing on her, emotionally as well as physically.
But one of the hardest things is that in her desire to emotionally protect her younger siblings, she is somewhat shutting us out. We bought a personal laptop for her, but she is not sending email. I can only call her about once a week, and then hope that she will return my phone call within a few days. I really want to spend more time with my sister while I can. I hope that she can get past the depression that goes with this diagnosis, and spend some good days with us.
Replies
A good Sunday morning to you...if you don\'t mind me asking :((...how old is your sister?? And she sounds as if maybe she is the oldest among all of you...do you come from a big family??? There are 5 of us in my family...4 girls and then a brother. My oldest sister is, indeed, the one that worries about all of us others the most. She is the historian of the family and also keeps up with news of cousins more than the rest of us. Our parents are long deceased and also all of the aunts and uncles. We were a large family on both Dads and Moms side. We were close families. We (I) grew up on a farm and all the \"city\" aunts and uncles gathered at our place for summer gatherings etc...I miss those days.
How much of your sisters esophagus and stomach was remove in surgery?? I have been told that Chuck\'s stomach sits about where the upper right breast is...and that alone can leave the patient feeling off balance. His first round of chemo with radiation wasn\'t bad at all...fatigue and about 1/3 loss of his hair and living on Ensure and Carnation Inst. breakfast...then surgery!!! He hasn\'t eaten regularly since...maybe tiny portions of soft food and he does still like his sweets!! Choc. chip cookies etc. He has soooooooo much mucus all of the time, fatigue and because he went into respiratory failure after surgery...he is on oxygen. Also deals with sinus tachycardia...so the combination leaves him worn out with any extra activity...like getting ready for bed!!! I can understand if, indeed, your sister is feeling down and discouraged...is she married...who has authority to talk with her doctor about this?? It is not an act of defeat or weakness to be on some medication for depression...and the sooner the better cause it takes up to 6 weeks for the meds. to be effective some time. At our cancer center we have support staff in social services and counselors...and Chuck did have a social worker come to the house a couple of times through home care. It has to be so frustrating for your sister and for my husband to go through each day as someone other than who they used to be...I watch my husband just stare off into space and I know that he is \"lost\" and sad because of it :(( I too pray for the good days with activities...it is difficult for we, the family, too. I long for the \"good old days\" and normalcy but we will have to accept a \"new normal\". Just remember this...it is not just your sisters cancer...it is yours and the rest of the family that is close to her...and also close friends of hers. This horrible disease affects us all. If you live a distance from your sister...start sending notes or silly pictures or even cartoons from the paper, recipes ...anything...have your children or grandchildren draw pictures for her. That way you will maybe bring smile to her face and it will help you keep in touch even if it may be one sided for now.
This 2nd round of chemo is sooooooooo much harder on Chuck and he just had trouble with his J-tube. I have stopped asking if he wants to eat...he is drinking better but it has to be room temperature cause the cold sends the feeling of broken glass down his throat...also hands and face tingle with the cold and here in WI we have been having very cold temps. So when he goes anywhere the car has to be warm etc. But its not like we go anywhere except doc. appts an chemo treatments, grrrrrrrrrr.
This is getting long...sorry...please know I feel your frustration and worry...you\'re in my thoughts and prayers. Vicki
Another thought, Linda, make sure she isn\'t dehydrated. Since she\'s nauseous and not eating or drinking(?) well - she may be. It is so exhausting. I had it twice. The 2nd time I didn\'t realize it, but just wanted to stay in my chair. I didn\'t have the energy for anything. A sister of mine kept pushing and pushing on the phone for me to go see the Dr. She\'d take me. She was really worried. I think it was the only time I was in tears because I just didn\'t feel I could find the energy to get out of my chair - much less walk out the house, etc. She was so right though, and as soon as I got the IV fluids, I almost instantly felt better. Keep watching your sister.
Grandma Ann, I hope things get better for your husband. Hang in there! Brenda
Thank you Brenda. She\'s still on tube feeding, so I think she won\'t get dehydrated, but I\'ll let her know.
Vicki, My sister is 58. She will be 59 on Feb. 14th. She\'s 20 months older than me. There are 4 of us siblings; I have 2 younger brothers. My sister is married, but never had any children. She is counting on me to stay with her and help her when the time comes. I am glad to do that, but know the emotional cost that can be, as I stayed with my mother near the end. Most of my sister\'s esophagus was removed, and 1/4 of her stomach was removed. The surgeon had to go up higher on the esophagus because her cancer had hopscotched to a place very high on the esophagus. I think that\'s part of the issue. I understand depression very well, as it also runs in my family. When I talked to my brother-in-law about my sister\'s depression, he told me that she had already been on anti-depressants for about 2 years before this ever came up. So she is already taking anti-depressants. That\'s a good idea to send funny things. I\'ve been sending a card every week or so, but I like your idea better. I noticed that you are from Wisconsin. My folks had a place in LaCrosse. It\'s beautiful up there! Yes, you are right, this horrible disease affects us all. I\'m thinking about your husband and you, and sending good thoughts your way. Talking to you and others gives me strength. Thank you.